Singles 0,5
by Happymood
Summary: AU. I never thought I would feel this way ever again and I shouldn't, because I promised I will wait for him. GerIta. Companion piece to Singles.
1. Chapter 1

What I clearly remember about that day are the swings.

I loved to go on the swings when I was a kid. Even now that I'm a grown up, I want to go on one when I see them, but my brother doesn't let me, because he says I would look stupid if I did. I don't really think I would, but I do what he says.

The reason I loved the swings was that it felt like I was flying. If I went high enough, I could even pretend I was a cloud, floating in the sky, impossible to reach and without a care in the world. A cloud doesn't need to think, it just goes where the wind takes it and it doesn't need to say goodbye…

Sometimes I wish I were a cloud.

"We'll have to leave for Italy soon."

"Ah…"

He kept sitting on the swing next to mine. He didn't like the swings, I remember that too. He just sat and remained still, the same way he always did, as if he were sitting on a simple bench. I kept my eyes fixed on my shoes, and the only noise for the time being was of me swinging, back and forth, back and forth…

"Dad says we'll come back in five years or so." I added then. He didn't look at me again.

"Ah…"

Silence again. I could feel he was sad. I was too. I really liked him, after all, and the thought that we weren't going to see each other again seemed crazy. We used to be together every day, and before that day I thought it was going to be like that forever.

But I was wrong.

I kept swinging, kept pretending I was a cloud, kept floating in the blue sky…

His eyes were blue.

Truth is, that is the only thing I clearly remember about him. His face's features are blurred and even his voice is just a distant echo. He used to always wear a hat and he liked the color black, but… what else? The more I try to remember, the more I forget. I sometimes wonder what he looks like now. I suppose he must be really tall, because his dad was. Back then, though, when we were two kids playing on a playground, his hands were as big as mine, even if he was a year older than me.

I wonder if he thinks of me sometimes. I doubt it.

We used to go to the same kindergarten. The first years I was really scared of him. He kept following me around in a suspicious manner, and every time I dared to ask him if he wanted something from me, he just stared at me with those terrifying blue eyes of his and ran away, scaring me all the more. Sometimes I wondered if I had something funny on my face or, worse, if he hated me. I never wanted to be hated by anyone. Not without a reason, at least.

But then, as time went by, I learned that he was just a shy guy. It took him a lot of courage to make the first move and a lot of patience to make me feel safe around him. When that happened, we started to hang out together every break. First in silence, then I decided it was time for me to start talking.

When we talked, he used to stutter so much I thought he had a stammer. Then I realized he just liked me. (And I liked him.)

There was something about him that made me ache with melancholy whenever he didn't come out on the playground to play, and that made me smile whenever he managed to talk to me without stuttering or making those terrifying faces of his. The strangest thing about this story, however, is that I never learned his name, he never asked for mine, and we never visited each other houses.

We were complete strangers and yet…

"Listen!" he shouted then, frightening me and making me abruptly stop. "We should meet again in five years, then!" he continued, as if he was ordering me to. "Here, before those gates! I'll wait for you, I promise. Will you wait for me, too?"

I blinked at him.

"Of course."

A week after, my family and I traveled back to Italy. In the blink of an eye, those five years were gone and we were back to where everything started. I never forgot that promise and I waited for him before those gates.

I waited…

I waited…

I'm twenty-two now. I go to college and study art. I have my own apartment and I have a lot of friends! Feliks is my best friend. he comes from Poland and he is really strange, but I like him anyway. I love eating pasta, I find books to be boring and I'm quite lazy, but not as lazy as my brother. Girls are so fun to flirt with and hang out with sometimes, but it never went any further than a kiss.

It's not like I want to be single forever. Actually, I'm quite afraid to spend all my life alone! But, you know, no one ever felt like the right one, and that was when I realized that I'm still waiting for him, because he took my heart and kept it. It's stupid, I know, because it's been so long and I'm an adult now. I should just move on and fall in love with somebody else.

But I just can't…

"So…" I said, before those said gates that fateful day, waiting for our fathers to come and take us back home. "Is this a goodbye? If that's the case… we should kiss!"

"Kiss?" he blushed, became ten shades of red, and then nodded. I smiled brightly at him, my own cheeks tinted red.

He kissed me. A quick peck on the lips. Our first kiss.

"Oh, and take this with you!" I exclaimed then, taking off one of my socks and giving it to him. He was still in shock from the kiss and took the sock without much of a complaint. "This is something to remember me by! This is my favorite pair of socks, because they have these tiny little apples on them, you see, and they are really cute! Don't you find them cute? Anyway, I promise I'll wait for you in five years, before those gates, okay?"

He stared at the sock and smiled a little.

"I promise to be there." He told me.

But he never came.


	2. Chapter 2

I can say that my days were, more or less, all the same. Every day I spent my mornings in college and my afternoons chatting away with pretty girls or hanging out with Feliks, unless he needed to work, in which case I spent my evenings alone. Nevertheless, I was never bored!

How could someone be bored when there are so many things to do in this amazing world?

When there are so many things to see and so many people to meet?

College didn't put any pressure on me and I had all the free time I wanted. It was amazing, really! What else should I want?

That day started just like any other day had. In fact, everything had felt so normal, that even now I can't believe it was the day that signed the end of the most carefree period of my life.

"…and that's how he got literally red!" I ended my story, emphasizing every word with my hands. The girl sitting before me started to laugh and even tried to hide it with her hand. She was really cute! I wanted to run a hand through her wavy chestnut hair, because it looked really soft. I took her hand, as her laughter slowly subsided. She dried the tears that formed on the corner of her eyes with her free hand and smiled at me.

"Don't hide your mouth when you laugh!" I told her, "You've got a really beautiful smile!"

She smiled even more at this and she entwined our fingers. I let her do it (her hand was so warm and soft, after all~) and with my free hand, took the cup in front of me and gulped down the last drop of the cappuccino I had been drinking. It was delicious! I should tell Feliks about this place, I noted.

"You are so cute!" she said. "I wonder why you don't have a girlfriend." She stated and cocked her head at me.

"Ve~" I just smiled. "Maybe I still haven't found the right one!"

She finished her own cup of cappuccino and smiled once more, this time much more predatorily. I had met so many girls like her that I immediately knew what she was going to say next.

"Probably the right one is much closer than you think!"

I was right. In that sense, she was quite boring.

"Maybe…" I smiled at her, flirting a little more with her. Her cheeks turned red and she slowly pulled her hand away from mine, only to get her purse.

"I'd love to see you again sometime!" she said, taking out a piece of paper and a pen and scribbling down her telephone number. I smiled at her,

"Me too! You are really pretty!"

She laughed once more and handed me the little white note. We stood together up and I put her number in my back pocket.

"See you, then!" she waved, shot a last look at me and took off. I kept smiling at her, even when she couldn't see me anymore.

It was then that I finally realized how late it was. The cafeteria we had been sitting in was empty, while we hardly found an empty table when we first came. I looked around, wondering how much time had passed and finally decided to take a look around the mall.

I had met that girl completely by chance. I had come to the mall only because my shoes had been totally ruined and I needed a new pair of the same kind. It was a shame, really, because Dad bought them for me on my 19th birthday, and I really liked them, but I couldn't keep using them! My feet would hurt. She was one of the clerks. She was so nice! She tried to help me out, but in the end I didn't find anything I liked and decided to ask her out instead. She promptly agreed and took me to the cafeteria.

Days like this don't happen often! I was so happy to have found a girl so nice and easy to talk to. Usually, girls need many more compliments to finally give you their number, but she had done so immediately. I was a lucky guy! Romano would be so jealous! Feliks would be too, if he wasn't dating Toris…

Romano is my older brother. I love him, really, but sometimes it is such a pain to spend the day with him. He complains a lot, curses just as much, and he is always scowling. I told him he is beautiful when he smiled, but he just started stuttering, called me an idiot and walked away.

Feliks, on the other, is so fun to hang out with! His boyfriend Toris is really nice too, even if he's too shy and doesn't like talking much. He is more the listening-type, and all I really know about him is that he's got a really weird boss.

I wondered if Feliks was with Toris in that moment and if I could meet him to tell him about the pretty girl I just met. He would tease me about it, but I like sharing these stories with him, as much as he likes sharing his with me.

I took my phone out and dialed his number. It took him a long time to answer and by the time he did, I totally forgot how the girl looked. Too bad.

"Hello, darling!" he exclaimed from the other line. "What's up?"

"Hi, Feliks!" I exclaimed. "I just met a lovely girl! She was really nice and… well, I don't remember her name, but she gave me her number! I must tell you all about it! Where are you?"

"I'm at the mall! Where are you?" he said, surprising me. Oh! We were so close! How lucky!

"I'm at the mall too!" I said, enthusiastic. I looked around and spotted one of our favorites shopping places. I wondered if he was there, but I couldn't see anything from where I was standing. "I'm coming to find you!" I made some steps forwards, trying to see if he was inside the shop.

"I'm waiting at our café!" he told me and without another word shut the phone. I smiled, because I knew what he was talking about and decided to take the stairs up. The café was on the second story, so it wasn't that far. It was Feliks' favorite because they had the most delicious cheesecakes in the whole city and at a really good price too!

Knowing Feliks was there, probably eating a cheesecake with Toris, I made my way to my end. How was I supposed to know that a single man could make such a great impact on me?

Of course, I knew nothing of what was going to happen, as I made my way to the café and spotted Feliks sitting next to a young, really handsome man.

How could I predict that that man could turn my world so upside-down? I guess he didn't know either and, in fact, he never will.

Fortunately, our hearts were already taken or else things would have been very different from what they are now.

"Hello, Feliks! Who is your friend, ve~!" I exclaimed and smiled politely to the stranger. Green eyes turned to look at me, his lips turning into a bright smile. He was handsome, that much I could figure out, as I stretched my hand out to him. My heart started beating fast when he took my hand in his.

"I'm Antonio!" he said and, as if hypnotized, I sat down next to him.

"Feliciano!" I exclaimed politely, "Nice to meet you!"

I didn't know who this Antonio was and for a moment I wondered if Feliks was having an affair with him. I deleted this thought right away, because I knew Feliks would never hurt Toris like that. I supposed then he was a friend of his, a friend Feliks never told me about. My stomach suddenly felt strange, and I turned to look at Feliks, curiosity taking the lead.

"So, how did you and Feliks meet?"

"He came to our nightclub once." Feliks explained. Oh, the Nightwave! It was the name of the nightclub Feliks and Romano worked in. I didn't like the place that much and, as far as I knew, Romano didn't either. I wondered if Antonio knew Romano, so I suddenly said:

"Oh, my brother works there too, did you know, Antonio? Have you met him?" I asked then, curious. "I must say he is not easy to hang out with," I continued, "but he is a good guy underneath all that toughness!"

Antonio seemed lost for a moment and I supposed he hadn't met Romano after all.

"You should meet him!" I decided to say then, immediately regretting my words. I felt suddenly jealous, because I abruptly realized that Antonio is the kind of guy Romano would surely like, and I didn't stand a chance against him.

"I already have…" Antonio said then, suddenly becoming sad. I didn't immediately understand what he wanted to say and tilted my head in confusion. He suddenly smiled softly at me, and I felt my heart start beating fast once more. I tried to find a topic of conversation in my head, something to fill the silence with and make him smile again, but he beat me to it.

"So… you are Italian?" he asked then, and I wanted to sigh in relief.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed, surprised, "How did you guess, ve~?" then I looked at Feliks, who strangely enough had managed to remain silent. "Did Feliks tell you?"

Feliks raised an eyebrow at me, but it was Antonio who answered first.

"Your name…" he said, "It has a really beautiful sound." He smiled once more. His smile was so nice~ "Everything that is Italian is beautiful! I went to Italy once and I fell in love with the country immediately!" he added, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, "I would love to visit it again!"

"Oh, you should!" I immediately agreed, remembering Florence and Venice. I suddenly felt melancholic. "Have you eaten Italian food?" I asked and then had a wonderful idea, "You should come to my house someday and I'll make you pasta. Do you like pasta?"

I suddenly felt on edge as I waited for his answer.

"Yeah, Italian cuisine is delicious…" he said with that handsome smile of his. I couldn't refrain from smiling back. "I would love to." He added then, answering to my second question. I was on cloud nine. Antonio leaned a little closer to me and I suddenly felt his arm against mine.

"By the way, Feli!" Feliks suddenly exclaimed and Antonio immediately retreated his arm. I felt a little lost at the contact, but a little relived too. I had been to close to giving in. I finally turned to look at Feliks, who was smiling, amused at me. I bit my lips: I knew he had noticed everything, and, unconsciously, I scooped a little away from Antonio.

"I'm, like, totally, hungry!" Feliks continued, "We should go eat something together, don't you agree?"

As if on cue, my stomach started to grumble and I grinned at him.

"Yeah, good idea! Do you want to come with us, Antonio?" I suddenly turned to look at him. He was lost in thought and I immediately realized he hadn't listened to a word we said. Only when I put a hand on his shoulder, did he wake up from his trance-like state. He blinked at us and made a cute, confused face, accompanied with a silly smile.

"What?"

Feliks was grinning openly now and I prevented him from commenting by repeating once more what we agreed on.

"I said, we are going to eat something together, do want to come with us, Antonio? I would like to get to know you better!"

My stomach started to churn as he thought about it. I suddenly realized I really wanted him to say yes. Feliks glanced at me, then took me by the arm and pulled me a little away.

"No, I really need to buy a present for my friend!" he apologized, looking really sorry. My heart dropped and I watched him stand up and take some money out of his pockets. "See you around?" he asked then, directly to me.

"Definitely!" I grinned. Feliks pulled me once more as Antonio smiled at me. I decided it was my cue to leave, and made to go. Feliks looked at Antonio, told him something I didn't catch and then shouted at me to wait for him.

"That guy has, like, a soft spot for the Vargas kind!" Feliks told me when we were far enough. I looked at him and cocked my head. I didn't understand what he wanted to say. Feliks waved at me nonchalantly, frustrated even, but then he smiled and leaned closer to me.

"That Antonio there," he started, conspiratorially, "had come to the Nightwave the other evening and practically threw himself at Romano." My heart skipped a beat but I didn't have the time to comment before he continued.

"Romano obviously rejected him." He smiled, "But Antonio came once more, and I'm 100% sure he is going to again soon!"

"So… he likes Romano?" I asked then, trying to understand the point of the conversation.

"I don't know." Feliks grinned, "Today he seemed, like, totally absorbed in you instead!"

"Oh!" I blinked and wondered why my stomach started churning. It was a pleasant feeling but it soon disappeared. Feliks put an arm around my shoulder and started to giggle.

"And from what I've seen…" he licked his lips, "You are not complaining!"

"Eh?" I widened my eyes at him, and Feliks laughed.

"As if someone can resist that cute face of yours! It's, like, impossible!"

"Cute face?" I repeated stupidly. I was thinking about Antonio in that moment and wondered how Romano could reject someone as nice as him. Maybe Antonio wasn't Romano's type after all, and he probably treated him really badly, and that's why Antonio seemed so bitter about his acquaintance with Romano. But Antonio didn't look like the predatory type of guy I knew about. He didn't ask for my number over and over again, didn't start telling stupid pick-up lines and he even paid for Feliks' cheesecake. A guy like that couldn't be that bad!

It was then that I suddenly realized I wanted to see him again. Real soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes Romano says that I have the memory of a goldfish and that I tend to forget names and faces really quickly. I don't think I do, really. I suppose I forget what I think is not worth the attention… or when something much more interesting comes up. Everybody does, and Romano shouldn't really talk, when he forgets where he put the keys and he was the last one who closed the door…

Or that one time he forgot the name of his Spanish teacher, while I remembered it very well, even though I didn't take Spanish classes. That had been a fun day. He kept mumbling to himself all day long and remembered the name in the middle of the night, shouting it so loudly that he woke the whole house up! Dad thought he had a crush on his (50 years old, female) teacher for a whole week before I finally told him what had really happened…

But… what was I saying? Oh, yeah. A goldfish's memory. I suppose that even a goldfish couldn't forget Antonio's smile and laugh, but, I must tell the truth, whenever I thought about it, I didn't feel as dizzy as the first time I had met him. I believed it was just a phase and that I would soon get over it. (At least, I hoped, because I secretly knew I would be hurt again if I didn't.)

That was one of the reasons I didn't tell Romano anything. The fact that Antonio had tried to hit on him still made me a little jealous, of course, but I was scared about Romano's reaction more. It's not like Romano had talked about Antonio with me. Romano doesn't really talk with me about his private life, in general, expect when he is really, really, really upset about something. He can hide his feelings well, but I know him; I can read him like a book and I know when I should speak with him about some thing or another.

Antonio was taboo.

I could see it in his eyes that something was bothering him, and thanks to Feliks' gossiping, I knew it was Antonio who had triggered this anxiety in him. So, that was the real reason why I couldn't really tell him that I had met Antonio.

I was scared he wasn't going to take it well and an angry Romano is really, really, really terrifying.

And anyways, it wasn't like I was going to see him again. Why bother, then? I could pretend I didn't know about Romano's misadventures with Antonio. Easy.

One day, though, Romano called me. Usually he tries not to call me, only in case of emergency, so when I saw his name on my mobile's display, I assumed that something extremely nasty had happened. It did, of course, but only for him.

"It's something wrong?" I immediately asked, already imagining that the worst had happened.

"No, calm down, idiot… tsk…" Romano retorted, "I wanted to tell you that Alfred, my boss you know, invited me to some kind of… I don't know… a picnic? I don't really fucking care."

"Oh, a picnic?" I immediately exclaimed, smiling and feeling my heart beating slower, "You are going to have so much fun! Who else is going?"

"I don't really care." Romano said, "Feliks has something to do with Toris, I don't know… anyway! I'm not going. You are. For me."

"What?" I didn't understand what Romano was getting at, and I twisted my lips in confusion.

"You heard me." Romano said, suddenly frustrated. "I don't want to go. I have better things to do than drag behind that crazy American man. You are going in my place. You like those kinds of things, don't you? And, anyway, Alfred won't even notice the difference. Be a good brother and go… bye!"

"Wait, Romano! I can't go if he invited you!" I reasoned. Romano remained silent for a moment, and I took the opportunity to continue: "Alfred wants you to go, and I'm sure you are going to have so much fun! Stop being this antisocial and go!"

"I'm not antisocial…" Romano immediately complained. I ignored him.

"Are you afraid to be alone?" I dared to ask. "That no one is going to talk to you?"

"No! For goodness sake, Feli! I just don't wanna go!" Romano exclaimed, and I could feel him blushing from the other side of the line. I smiled a little and continued.

"Well then, if that's the case, I'm coming with you! Maybe you'll feel more comfortable if I'm around! When is this picnic going to be?"

"I don't want to go, Feli! That's why I called you!" Romano exclaimed once more and then sighed. "FINE! I'll come to your apartment tomorrow at…" he said some hour, "Alfred is going to take us there." And hung up.

That was how, the day after that weird call, Romano came to my apartment and yelled at me to come down from the street. I went to him, and we waited together for Alfred to come and pick us up. Alfred was late, and Romano kept mumbling nasty things to himself as we waited for his boss.

"Stop complaining, Romano. Please?" I pleaded when I couldn't take it anymore. He shot a nasty look at me, but finally did shut up. He just kept frowning from then on, while I couldn't stop smiling. It had been years since I last went on a picnic, and I couldn't wait to see what we were going to eat! I really hoped there was pasta, even if pasta is difficult to carry around.

Suddenly, a red car stopped in front of us, and I recognized Alfred waving at us behind the steering wheel. I smiled and hopped in the front seat, while Romano just sighed and sat behind.

"Hello, Romano! Hello, Feli!" Alfred exclaimed as he started the engine once more, "I asked Romano to call you, but I didn't think he'd actually do it! I'm so glad he did, though! This is going to be so awesome!"

I glanced at Romano, who blushed tenfold, and tried not to laugh at his embarrassed face. I smiled a little at him, instead. He frowned, but when I checked in the rear-view mirror I noticed he was smiling a little too.

"My brother is going to come too! Do you know my brother, Feliciano? He is such a weird guy!" he started to laugh, "I really wonder what he would do without me, you know?"

I looked at him in confusion, because I didn't remember that Alfred had a brother and looked at Romano, who just shrugged, confused as I was. The rest of the ride was quite pleasant if it wasn't for the fact that Alfred had a terrible sense of direction. Alfred is the type of guy that only knows how to get to his house and everything that is around it, but when he must go in some other part of the city, he is completely lost.

I tried to help him as best as I could, while Romano just snickered behind us and called us both idiots, making things much more difficult. Either way, we managed to get where he wanted, even if we were quite late. Fortunately, we found where to park really easily and we immediately got out to meet the others.

Alfred started running, Romano followed him, while I remained behind him, because they were both walking quicker than I wanted to. But then, something strange happened: Romano stilled and I almost bumped into him. I looked up to see what had triggered this kind of reaction in him, when I noticed the one I had been thinking about all week long. I couldn't refrain from smiling.

"Antonio!" I immediately exclaimed, running past Romano to get to him. I was so happy to see him. Antonio smiled at me too, surprised as I was. "I never expected to see you here! How are you?"

I laughed as I hugged him close. He hugged back, as if he had years to see me and said:

"I'm good! I never expected to see you here either! I am so happy!"

I looked up at him and wanted to tell him that I was happy too, when I suddenly felt a hand grab my jacket and pull me roughly away from the warm embrace. No one needed to tell me that it was Romano and that he was really angry.

"How the hell do you know my brother, Spanish bastard?" Romano suddenly yelled. I bit my lips. Antonio's eyes immediately reverted back to Romano. "What did you do to him? Have you used your… your Spanish with him too?"

"Romano! Let him go!" I ordered, and Romano suddenly turned to look at me. I sighed. To calm Romano down is a difficult thing to do, but after years and years of practicing I manage just fine. That time wasn't any different and, moreover, the fact that there were a lot of people that we never met helped the situation a lot.

While I tried to explain to Romano that there was nothing to worry about, one of, I suppose, Alfred's friends, an albino with a really frightening laugh, suddenly said:

"Oh, Antonio. Is that the guy you were talking about?"

The comment seemed to do the trick. Romano finally shut up, scooted closer to Antonio, suddenly frightened, and things reverted back to normal. Finally we could make the introductions like normal people did. There were a lot of people I didn't know, except for Alfred, Antonio and Arthur, who I had already met once when I decided to pay Romano a visit at the "Nightwave" when he first start working there. I was so happy to meet new people! Even if some of them were really scary, like Gilbert, who was the albino guy that had managed to shut Romano up, and Francis, who kept looking at me and Romano kind of weirdly. And then…

And then there was him.

The first thing I noticed was how blue his eyes were.

He was staring at us. He had watched the whole thing in silence, his face serious, tall, imposing, the look in his eyes so terrifying…

And so alluring.

"This is Antonio, Gilbert and Ludwig!" the blond, elegant man named Francis said, and I moved over to Ludwig as if hypnotized. His eyes were blue, that's all I could think about.

"I'm Feliciano!" I exclaimed, shaking his hand in the same way I did with everybody else. He looked taken aback for a moment, raised a blond eyebrow at me, his voice broke when he said his name. I smiled at him. He coughed, embarrassed and looked at me. His eyes weren't terrifying anymore and he was just shy, I finally realized.

Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I had to take my eyes off Ludwig to see Alfred staring at me. I felt kind of annoyed by this, but then I realized that this man wasn't Alfred at all. They just really, really looked alike. I stared at him, confused, and he laughed, as if he found the whole thing really amusing.

"I'm Matthew, Alfred's brother. Alfred hasn't introduced us yet."

I blinked at him and oh-ed in understanding. He kept smiling kindly at me, in a way I never saw Alfred smile, and said:

"Feliciano! Nice to meet you!" and I shook his hand. He smiled at me once more and I turned my attention back to Ludwig, but he wasn't there anymore. My stomach dropped. In that moment, a fight broke out between Arthur and Francis, and I forgot about both Matthew and Ludwig. I listened to them arguing and understood what they were arguing about. It seemed no one had thought about bringing any food with him for the picnic, and I sulked, because what kind of picnic is it if there's no food to eat? They could have told me and Romano to bring some. We would have cooked something for everyone.

"How could they call it a picnic if no one brought food?" someone suddenly said beside me, startling me, and I looked up to see Ludwig frowning at the scene happening before us.

"I was wondering the exact same thing!" I exclaimed, "It's impossible to have a picnic without food, right? I mean, it's not a picnic if no one eats! It's just hanging around… which is nice too, of course, but everybody is just going to be hungry, and you can't have fun if all you think about is an empty stomach, right?"

Ludwig was looking at me, his eyes showing no emotion for a moment, but then he sighed:

"Everyone is so unorganized." He whispered. "At least Antonio brought something."

At the sound of Antonio's name I perked up and looked around to where Antonio was standing, next to Romano. I finally noticed he was carrying a bag around, and I wondered what was inside.

"Tomatoes." Ludwig said, as if reading my mind.

"Tomatoes?" I asked. Ludwig nodded, serious. I started to laugh and Ludwig stared at me, not understanding what was so amusing. I didn't either. Suddenly, Alfred's booming voice silenced everyone and he decided we were going to eat something from the McDonald's that was around the corner. I sighed, frustrated, because I hated McDonald's a lot.

"McDonald's…" Ludwig scoffed to himself. I stared at him: he was so serious and slightly commanding, and I wondered in that moment what his face would look like if he smiled. I suddenly realized I really wanted to see him smile.

"You hate McDonald's too?" I asked, as he sat down (albeit reluctantly) on the grass.

"I would only eat there in case of emergency." Ludwig said.

I noticed Antonio had sat down too and had put his bag down before him. I sat down too, and saw Romano do the same beside me. We were sitting in a strange circle, with the tomatoes in the middle. Gilbert and… well… Alfred's brother had sat down with us.

"You hungry?" Antonio said in that moment, offering his tomatoes with a smile on his face. My stomach grumbled and I took one:

"Thanks, Antonio!" I said, glad, "I really hate McDonald's and I don't think I can stomach the things Alfred is going to bring us!"

Romano was staring at the tomato he had taken as if he had never anything like it before, but after a shrug of shoulders, he bit into it. It was gone in an instant. Antonio's joyful and just a little surprised face at that made my heart skip a beat.

"Do you like them?" Antonio asked then.

"Even shit is better than hamburgers…" Romano sarcastically said, already reaching for his second tomato. I wanted to laugh at that, but Antonio's slightly hurt face made me a little angry, so I decided to intervene.

"Romano likes tomatoes a lot!" I exclaimed, "They are Romano's favorite food, didn't you know, Antonio?"

Antonio's face suddenly lighted, and I felt a little better with myself. I smiled back as Antonio grinned at me.

"They are actually good." Ludwig said, beside me. "I wish we had wurst of something, though…"

"Wurst?" I asked, reverting my attention to him. Ludwig turned to look at me, slightly startled, but then regained composure and continued:

"Yeah. You know wurst, right?"

"Of course I do." I said, with a smile. "I eat it sometimes, but I can't say it's my favorite food, you know? I prefer pasta. Every kind of pasta, but my favorite is pasta al pesto."

"Really?" Ludwig said, maybe to be polite, but the way he said it warmed my heart. "Are you Italian?"

"I am." I said. "But my family and I have lived here since…" I bit my lips, "… well, to tell the truth, I went to kindergarten here and then we traveled back to Italy, and returned when I was… ten or something. It's been a long time."

"I see…" Ludwig said, quite impressed. "Romano is your brother?"

"My older brother, yes." I told him. Ludwig nodded and motioned to where the albino guy was sitting with… oh, I forgot his name.

"I have an older brother too." Ludwig explained, "Gilbert."

I looked over to where Gilbert was standing, laughing in that weird manner of his, and I raised an eyebrow.

"You don't look anything alike." I told him. He made a strange face and I hurried to apologize: "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!"

Ludwig blinked at me. In that moment Alfred dropped a bag from McDonald's on my lap and one on Ludwig's. I stared at it, opened it and stared at the hamburger and French fries inside.

"I guess I'll eat just the fries…" I said to myself, disappointed, and suddenly Ludwig handed me his bag. I looked up at him, he blushed a little:

"You can have mine too. I'll eat just the burger." He explained.

"Are you sure?" I was at loss with words. Ludwig nodded.

"Thanks!" I smiled widely at him and, finally, I saw him smile a little back. I felt really happy, as if I had accomplished the impossible. I started munching on my fries.

"So, where are you from Ludwig?" I asked then, just to start a conversation. "You don't look you are from here."

"I'm not, actually." Ludwig said. "I have German origins."

"Oh!" I nodded to myself. "That's really cool! So you speak German, right? I learned some German when I was in school. The most difficult thing is pronunciation, though. You do talk weird."

Ludwig suddenly started to laugh, and I was taken aback by it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…!" I suddenly panicked, but Ludwig shook his head.

"No, don't worry. I know." He said. "But I don't feel like I talk weirdly at all."

"I understand that too." I smiled. "They say that when an Italian talks it feels like he is singing, but I don't feel like I'm singing at all. I'm just talking. Romano talks a little funny to me, to tell you the truth. His tongue is rougher, heavier, but nothing compared to German. You look like you are barking orders, no offense. It's just a little…"

Ludwig laughed again.

"Maybe I should change conversation." I said then. Ludwig looked at me, his blue eyes

amused. I suddenly felt self-conscious and I returned eating my fries in silence.

"I'm sorry. Please, don't stop talking." Ludwig said, "I just…"

I looked up at him.

"You just?"

"I've never met someone like you." Ludwig said. "Are you friends with Alfred? Personally, I don't know him, but he is a friend of my brother's friend… or something like that. It's so confusing."

I laughed a little.

"You tagged along?"

"Yes, you can say I did."

"Alfred is my brother's boss and I don't know him that well. I, too, just tagged along. With Romano."

"Funny coincidence, isn't it?"

"Very." I smiled. He did too.

I finished my fries. Ludwig had long since finished his hamburger and he took the two half empty bags and stood up to throw them in the bin. I watched him go and finally I remembered where I was and who I was with. I looked away from Ludwig, to Romano, who looked really frustrated and angry. Antonio was staring at Romano, dazed, and I decided to pay attention to the conversation between them.

"I'm wasting my time here." Romano was saying, "I should have stayed home."

"Oh, come on, Romano!" I suddenly exclaimed. I didn't want to leave just yet. Antonio looked at me, and I decided to sit a little closer to him. "It's beautiful here. The sun is so bright. Why spend such a day inside?" I tried to say reason. I looked at Antonio then and added: "Don't you agree, Antonio?"

Romano shot a murderous look at me. I ignored him.

"Yes…" Antonio said, his cheerful smile appearing once more on his lips. I was so happy to see him like this, so I continued:

"Ve~ Antonio?" he looked at me, his green eyes so bright. "What do you do for a living?"

"I work in a kindergarten." He stated. Romano snorted, said something nasty. I ignored him. I decided to focus on Antonio only. I asked him to tell me more about himself, and Antonio seemed happy to talk about his job. Ludwig suddenly sat down next to me again. Romano was snorting, but I noticed how his eyes traveled from me and back to Antonio, worried. The sudden emotion in Romano's eyes confused me. Suddenly, Antonio wasn't talking to me anymore, as Gilbert had asked him something. Romano seemed relieved. I was confused.

Ludwig said:

"I think it is time to go."

"Already?" I asked, looking at him. Ludwig looked up at the darkening sky and then nodded.

"It's kind of late."

"It has been fun." I said. Ludwig looked at me for a long time, but didn't say anything. "I'm glad I met you." I added then. He seemed taken aback. I glanced at Antonio, then at Romano, then at Ludwig again. I was so confused. "We should exchange phone numbers!" I said then. I thought my idea was brilliant. Ludwig blinked at me. I took my phone out and said:

"You've got a mobile on you, no?"

"Y-yeah… of course." He said. I smiled. He coughed, embarrassed, but told me his number anyway.

Romano watched the whole thing from afar, and when I was ready to wave goodbye to Ludwig, Romano snatched me away from him. Antonio approached me then, looked at Romano when he said:

"It has been fun! We should do it again, sometime!"

I smiled at him, but Antonio had eyes only for Romano.

"I hope not, bastard."

Francis and Gilbert came to tell us goodbye too, and then Romano and I were alone. Alfred told us he was going to accompany Matthew and Arthur home and asked if we were okay with that.

"No, we'll manage just fine!" Romano said, took my hand and decided that we should just take a taxi home.

"Why did you do that, Romano?" I asked. "There was room for everyone in that car!" I said as we walked away from the rest of the gang.

"Alfred's way of driving makes me sick." Romano said. We stopped a taxi and got in. "Moreover, I know where Arthur lives, and it would take us a whole load more time to return home if we accepted."

"Oh." I said and suddenly I remembered something. I took my phone out and started texting.

"What are you doing?" Romano asked me, suspicious.

"I'm writing to Feliks to tell him how the day went." I lied.

Romano stared at me for a moment, then shrugged and decided to keep staring out of the window.

_I didn't have a chance to tell you goodnight! I'm sorry!_ I typed, sent it to Ludwig's number and waited.

_It's okay. Everyone was kind of rushing._

_I'll tell you now, though. Goodnight, Ludwig. :) I hope to see you soon!_

His answer arrived after I bid Romano goodnight and walked up to my apartment. It said:

_Me too. Goodnight._


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't really fucking understand _why_ they keep organizing this stupid, useless go outs!", Romano exclaimed. I sighed and kept trying to cook something for dinner.

My brother was sitting down, doing nothing but tap his fingers against the table, a gesture I knew meant he was annoyed beyond point of consolation. He had been going on about how he hated his life since he came to visit me, and, frankly, I was quite fed up with his antics. I sighed and stirred the tomato sauce in the pan.

"I don't know, Romano." I said, checking if the water was boiling. "It had been fun at the picnic, no?"

I smiled, he scoffed.

"For you maybe." Romano said, leaning against his hand, and shooting me the most murderous look he could master. _Fortunately_, I was used to it. "You kept talking with that potato-head like you knew him all your life, while you left me alone with that sociopath. The only one who had fun there was you."

"Sociopath?" I asked, honestly surprised, and looked at him confused. Was he talking about…?

"Yes. Sociopath." Romano emphasized the word with a punch on the table. "Antonio. A pedo. A worthless bastard. In a word: sociopath."

Aah, yeah. Of course. How stupid of me to forget.

"I think he is a nice guy." I said instead, laughing a little at Romano's behavior.

"Do you_ like_ him?" Romano suddenly exclaimed, burning holes into my skull. I suddenly felt very self-conscious and immediately changed topic of conversation.

"C-could you please set the table?"

Romano groaned, but stood up, and searched around the kitchen for the tableware. He stopped talking as he moved around, and I let out a sigh of relief. I thought about what he told me, as I checked if the pasta was ready to be served, and a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.

"Are you saying Antonio comes to this kind of go outs too?" I asked then, making Romano look up at me confused.

"Who? The sociopath?"

"Yes. Antonio." I asked, hoping my voice didn't betray any kind of emotion. Romano's lips thinned and I immediately knew that the answer to my question was yes.

"Every fucking time." Romano added then peeved.

"Oh." My heart started beating. The guy was so nice; I would have liked to meet him once more. "Just _him_?"

"And his friends, of course." Romano said, not at all suspicious, "And that Kirkland, who is a friend of Alfred… and, of course, Alfred himself." He answered. "I do not go every time, unless Alfred is blackmailing me to, but every time I went, those were the guys."

"Oh, I understand." I said. I drained the pasta and added the tomato sauce. Romano opened the fridge in search of the Parmigiano cheese. "Can I come next time?" I asked then, serving the pasta in the plates Romano was handing me. Romano raised an eyebrow, confused for a moment, and then almost smiled softly at me.

"Of course you can." Romano said. I beamed. Romano almost smirked. "Alone."

"Alone?" I was confused.

"Yes." Romano stated, as we sat down to eat. "I don't want to go. It's a waste of my time. On the other hand, you seem to like this kind of things, so… you go."

"But… what about you?" I asked, suddenly in panic. "Don't you want to meet new people?"

"No, _thank_ you." Romano stated, and started eating. "Remind me to give you Alfred's number later."

I started eating, but I couldn't savor my pasta as I always did. My mind was somewhere else. I thought about Antonio, how nice of a guy he was, and how wrong Romano was for calling him with so many bad names. I didn't really cared about his friends, really. Gilbert crept me out, and, even if I quite liked Francis, I preferred to stay far away from him sometimes. I couldn't understand Arthur so much, while I liked Alfred's laugh, even if it was annoying at times. I suddenly remembered Gilbert's brother too. Now he had been a nice guy and I have given him my number, even if we haven't talked since that day and Romano didn't tell me he went to those go outs again, so I don't think I would meet him again. Nevertheless, I did have his number, so I shouldn't worry so much. I wondered if he was working, if that was why he didn't go, or if he was just like Romano and thought socialization was a waste of time. Maybe Ludwig was as antisocial as Romano was. No. Impossible. Ludwig was just shy. But then again Romano is shy too… No. Ludwig was really a good guy. I should call him sometimes. Why haven't I called him yet? What if he doesn't tag along anymore because I bored him to death? I would hate that! No, that's impossible. Anyway, I should call him sometimes, it's good to keep touch with people you like. Or maybe I should just text him, see how is doing… would he think I'm a bother? I don't think so. Pity I don't have Antonio's number, or else I would have thought about calling him too. Oh, why hadn't I asked? Oh, right. Romano would have my head if I tried. But why am I so scared of Romano? I don't think he would really mind if I go out with Antonio once, or twice… Should I ask him? No, probably not. He's so calm right now. I like when he is calm. Bringing Antonio name up wasn't a good idea. He did say he was a sociopath. Why was he a sociopath? Sociopaths aren't that kind and nice to talk to. He said he was a pedo too. What does pedo means anyway? Oh, well. I don't think I have anything to do with it. Come on now. A guy that takes care of kids must have a good heart. No. I'm not going to listen to Romano, he likes to drama things up. He said he will give me Alfred's number. I really would like to go out again. Maybe I'll bring Felix with me too. He likes gossiping, and maybe he'll find someone to gossip with. Francis seemed like the type. Toris too needs to get out sometimes. His boss gives him such a hard time, the poor thing. I wonder why, really, Toris is such a nice guy. Maybe his boss is taking advantage of the fact he is too good to say no sometimes… as Feliks is… oh, yeah. Feliks. I'll ask Felix if he has time, but I wouldn't count so much on it….

"Feli?" Romano's voice suddenly pushed me out of my thoughts. I looked at him and was bewildered by his worried face. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking about my pasta." I said with a smile, "Anyway, about before… I would like to go out with those guys again."

Romano stared at me like I have finally got mad, rolled his eyes to the ceiling and started eating again.

"You keep bringing that up." Romano suddenly whispered. Then he looked lost in thought for a moment, before abruptly turning to look at me, his eyes wide from the shock. I stared at him. He stared at me right back and then pointed his fork at me.

"Is that potato bastard, isn't it?" Romano suddenly declared. "I _knew_ it!"

"Do you mean Ludwig?" I asked then.

"Yeah, duh!" Romano exclaimed, raising his hand up in the air. "Don't tell me you like that stuck up guy! And here I was worried you liked Antonio… this is much _worse_!" he whined.

"Romano, calm down." I said, smiling a little. "I don't like him".

Romano scoffed. He kept watching me with a disapproving look as I started washing the now empty dishes.

"I don't like him either. Just so you know." Romano stated then, almost threatening. He rolled his sleeves up and started helping me out. "He is really weird."

"Everyone seems weird to you, Romano." I just said, giggling a little at him.

"No, seriously." Romano rolled his eyes. "With that bulk of his, I wouldn't be surprised if he is on fucking steroids."

I laughed.

"Moreover, he is related to that albino guy." Romano continued, "I wouldn't be surprised if he had been in a mental house either."

"You are making a mountain out of a molehill, Romano." I said. "But, yeah… if he is that strange guy's brother, I suppose he must have visited the mental house at least once in his life."

We didn't talk about Ludwig from then onwards. As promised, Romano gave me Alfred's number and told his boss that from now on I would happily take his place in this crazy parades they called socializing. Strangely enough, Alfred didn't mind so much. As I realized later, he too went for Arthur's sake, and that the real planners behind all of this were in the end Arthur and Francis.

Alfred did call me when either Francis or Arthur decided to organize this kind of thing. If I had time and didn't have anything else planned, I would happily go. As expected (and hoped) Antonio was always there, as were his best friends, Francis and Gilbert. It was the reason why I always tried to say yes whenever I was invited.

Antonio looked always so happy to see me, and every time I learned something more about him. He wasn't a bad guy as Romano made him out to be. He was fun and liked to hug a lot, the same way I did. He even held my hand once as we crossed the street to get to the other side to get to a restaurant Francis liked a lot. Antonio made me feel good with myself, and, the first times at least, I never felt bored.

I asked Felix to come with us sometimes too. He did, but he said that we were too boring and just came once or twice more. I believe it's because he doesn't like Gilbert so much. Hate at first sight is as mysterious as love at first sight is, sometimes. I don't really know what went on between them, and I ended up thinking that they had actually met before, but Felix doesn't want to talk about it at all.

At first, I thought Felix was just overreacting. For me those go outs weren't boring at all. I always spent my time with Antonio, trying to know him better, and time passed really quickly when I was with him. He made me feel well with myself and finally understood, like no one had ever done before. What I immediately realized was, however, that I didn't feel as good as I had the first time I had met the guys. I don't know. It's hard to explain. The first time, when I went to that picnic, it had been really fun, but, from then on, everything seemed just a little dull, no matter how much Antonio stayed by my side and made me laugh.

Something was missing.

At first I supposed that it was because I didn't like his friends so much after all. I preferred to stay alone with him rather than all together as we used to do. I was sure that, if I went on a date with him only, even if just for a day, I would not feel that "_flatness"_ anymore.

But it was impossible. Even if we went along great, Antonio never gave me his number, and I never dared giving him mine in case Romano found out. I tried to find some way to get to know where he lived, or even where he worked, but, after so many failed attempts, I realized I didn't really care after all.

And that was when I stopped going out with them for good. However, I couldn't stop thinking:

What would happen if I was right as always, and this was just a phase?

I do not fall in love. I just _like_.

Love and like are not the same thing.

But something inside of me kept telling that Antonio might be the one. When that thought crossed my mind, I would almost… almost… say yes to those escapades once again.

What if he was…?

But he isn't, the rational part of my mind would say. (His eyes aren't blue after all.)

Who had blue eyes was Ludwig. He had been such a nice guy. A little strange and quite scary guy maybe, but I had liked him. I asked Gilbert about him once, just out of curiosity:

"Ludwig?" he told me, his red eyes piercing my soul, and making me so self-conscious I would have ran away if I wasn't interested to hear his point of view. "He is really a neat-freak and loves to work too much for my tastes. That's why he doesn't come. He says he is more needed at the bookstore than here."

"You have a bookstore?"

"Didn't he tell you? Weeeird." He sighed. "He usually brags about that place. We have a bookstore, yeah. You could come visit us sometimes. It's in…" and he told me the street's name.

"Is he good to customers?" I asked then, wondering if customers were terrified of him as I had been the first time I saw him.

"Everything he does, he does it methodically and well." Gilbert laughed, "But he is shy at heart. To describe Ludwig well to you, I would say he is your exact opposite. You wouldn't get along well, and, besides, you are too cute for him."

That made me laugh. But, besides the cute part, I supposed Gilbert was right. Would Ludwig and I get along well? Considering how the picnic turned out to be, I supposed we could try this out. I knew for certain that Antonio and I _did_ get along. Would Ludwig be just as pleasant to be with as Antonio was? I was suddenly curious to see if my instincts were right. Gilbert's words struck something into me and I decided I should just be courageous for once and try calling Ludwig once I returned home. As if he was reading my mind, Gilbert said, grinning:

"Maybe I should tell him to call you sometimes."

Needless to say, my heart started racing in my chest at his words. When I got back home that day, I picked the cell up and texted Ludwig:

_Hey, how are you doing? I've seen your brother today. Told me you are busy._

The answer was immediate:

_I am actually. I don't know if he told you, but we run a bookstore together. Together is a big word. That is why I can't go out with you all. _

_That's a pity. Well, I hope to see you soon!_

Sure that Gilbert would talk about me to his brother, and suddenly scared of what I was doing, I ended the conversation abruptly like that. After a week, though, neither of them called, as if they had totally forgotten about me, which make me really sad. (And I was quite scared to pick that cell up first and I wondered if texting could be considered annoying. I didn't want to be annoying!)

It was a quite, college-less morning when the unexpected happened. I was lying in my bed, doing nothing but watching the sunrays coming in from the slightly open window, when my cell-phone suddenly rang.

When I saw his name on the display, I immediately stood up in a sitting position and answered:

"Hello?"

Click. I stared shocked as the phone _tut_-ed: he had hung up.

"Strange…" I tilted my head and stared at my phone. My heart was beating frantically as I wondered why he had hung up in the first place. He must have called the wrong number, I supposed, my heart tight in my chest at the thought. Suddenly, it rang again.

"Hello?" I answered promptly again, a lump in my throat. He didn't hang up this time, but just remained silent for a long moment. I could feel him slowly breathing from the other side and I felt suddenly peaceful. "Ludwig?"

"Yeah… yeah… it's me…" Ludwig suddenly said, his voice calm and commanding as it had been when I first met him. It felt good to hear his voice again, and I suddenly realized that texting doesn't give you the same kind of satisfaction as calling does.

"Good morning, Ludwig!" I exclaimed then, smiling from ear to ear. "How are you?"

"I'm fine… err…" he stuttered a little, "Are you at college? Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, I have nothing to do, Ludwig!" I said, "In fact I was just lying around. Are you working today? I can hear people speak!"

"No, I'm not working. It's just my brother singing under the shower."

I giggled a little at the image and then waited for what he wanted to say next. It took him a lot to speak up the next words, but the fact he wasn't hanging up, made me really patient and happy.

"He's annoying." He continued after a moment, unsure if he should tell me so or not, "But I can't blame him. The bookstore is closed today and we have a lot of free time in our hands… he always has a lot of free time in his hands indeed…" he whispered then, with just a note of disappointment.

I laughed and slowly stood up. With the phone between my shoulder and chin, I started dressing myself.

"I have a lazy brother too, so I understand the feeling."

"His name is… Romano, right?"

"Yeah!" I grinned, checking myself in the mirror.

"He was… unique."

"He is." I said, "It takes long for him to like someone. Or to be liked by someone..."

"I can see why." A moment of silence. "Listen, I…" he started, coughed, and I swear I even heard him gulp. Was he trying to ask me something? "You are free today, yes?"

"Yeah… why don't we go somewhere together, Ludwig?" I asked then, suddenly hopeful, "There is nothing for me to do and I'm really bored."

"I… I… err…" Ludwig started stuttering again. "Are you sure you don't have anything else to do?"

I giggled and said: "I could sleep, but I can do that later in the afternoon. Let's go eat some pizza for lunch, Ludwig! Then we can eat some gelato! I know a great place in the center! We could go there!"

"Does everything centers around food with you?"

"We could go to the movies instead, if you want, Ludwig!" I suggested then, "But I don't like wasting a beautiful day like this inside, in the dark…."

"No, I was… yeah, I suppose…" another cough, "Pizza and gelato are fine by me."

"Yay!" I exclaimed as I put my socks on.

"Should I pick you up… let's say… in an hour or so? It's almost time for lunch anyway."

I could imagine him checking the watch and planning the day. The thought made me feel kind of nostalgic even if I was sure I had never met Ludwig before.

"Super! I can't wait!", I told him my address, how to get there, and I listened to him scribbling everything down, before he said:

"Well… see you, then…" and we hung up. I couldn't wait. I checked myself in the mirror a lot of times and then I made sure I had everything I needed with me. My heart was beating frantically.

Just as he had promised, he arrived exactly an hour later with his car: small, practical, and black. I recognized his face behind the window panes, his hair back like always, his blue eyes, his serious smile, and wondered why I hadn't ask him out sooner…

I hopped in.

"Hi!" I immediately greeted. I wanted to hug him, but it was difficult in such a small place and, moreover, his hands were tightly holding the wheel, making hugs even more difficult. I supposed he wasn't used to hugs and kisses, so I let him be for the time being.

"Hi…" he said, he looked down for a moment, then up at me, quivering his lips just a little up. (His eyes, God. His eyes.) "Well, you must tell me how to get to the restaurant you want to go, because I don't really know."

"It's simple, really." I said as he started the engine. "If there is no traffic, we will be there in no time."

"Good. Would you put the seatbelt on, please?"

"Oh, yes. I always forget about it." I laughed, "Now, turn right…"

"How can you forget to put the seatbelt on?" he sighed, "It's forbidden to turn right, here."

"Do it anyways, it's faster."

He looked at me like I was an alien.

In the end, we drove the longer (more legal) way and it took us a whole more to reach our destination. I didn't mind, actually, as we had more time to talk together. I tried to chit-chat all way long: I told him about what I did the day before, what we were going to eat, about my life in the art college…

"And what about you, Ludwig?" I asked, "Why do you decided to open a bookstore?"

He glanced at me and parked the car. When we finally got off and started walking to the Italian restaurant I mentioned, he finally started talking.

"Oh, well… I don't really know… my parents owned it." He said then. "I suppose I wanted the business to go on."

"You felt you _had_ to?" I asked, quite surprised. Ludwig raised an eyebrow at me.

"No, rather, I felt I needed to…"

"You don't make any sense, Ludwig!" I said, "People must do what they like to do!" I exclaimed. He smiled a little at me.

"I like my bookstore, Feliciano." He said. "I feel like I'm helping people out. I belong there."

"Oh, in that case…" I said, but I really didn't understand. "At least you don't feel lonely, though. You've got your brother with you!" I smiled. He laughed, as if I said something extremely funny.

"What, Ludwig?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Ludwig shook his head.

"Nothing, Feliciano. Nothing." He smiled. He was beautiful when he laughed. Even if I done it by mistake, I felt special for being able to see him smile like that. Ludwig is handsome, I thought, even if he is serious and all, but when he laughs… and smiles like this… he is gorgeous.

"Are you hungry?" Ludwig suddenly asked.

"Very!" I agreed.

Being with him felt different than being with everybody else. I didn't feel nervous and didn't feel the need to act more like a gentleman as I would have done if he was a lady. I felt much more at ease. On the other hand, Ludwig was tense at first, but it didn't take me long to make him open up to me.

When he did, I suddenly liked him even more.

The feelings I had felt the first time I met him hadn't disappeared as they usually did with other people, and I suddenly realized why I have been missing every time I went out with the guys. Ludwig had never been there.

I taught him to eat pizza with his hands. He was adverse to it and told me it wasn't proper, that we should use knives and forks for it. I didn't listen to him, of course, and, in the end, he didn't either and ate the pizza as I told him to.

He paid even if I told him it wasn't really necessary. We had gelato afterwards, in a little kiosk two streets away from the restaurant.

"What are you thinking of doing after college?" he asked me then, as he ate his cup of ice cream. I told him to buy the cone, but he wouldn't listen, and just told me he preferred to use the little plastic spoon to eat rather than licking it. It was much more proper, he said.

"Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought about it, really."

He seemed surprised.

"You _haven't_?"

"No. Why? Should I?" I asked, clearly interested.

"_Of course_!" he said matter of fact-ly. "We live in a precarious world where we need to think about the future every minute of our life!"

"That's funny…" I said, "If we live every time thinking about the future, how can I live in the present?"

"You know what I mean, Feliciano…"

"No, not really."

"People need to have a goal in their life in order to live."

"But how can I savor my live if I keep running behind a goal?"

He sighed and suddenly he looked at me, making a determined face, as if he had decided in that moment he would take care of me till the end of his life. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but, suddenly, someone shouted my name and ruined the magical moment that had occurred between us.

"FELICIANO!"

My eyes went wide.

Ludwig abruptly turned around and I immediately put some space between him and myself. I knew that voice and I swore a little inside of me, before turning to look at the source. Romano was standing before us, staring down at Ludwig like he was a nasty worm.

"Romano!" I smiled and noticed the shopping bags he was carrying. "How are you?"

"I'm fucking fine." He stated and then pouted, raising an eyebrow at Ludwig, who sighed in the back. "What is he doing with you? I thought…"

"Well, we lunched together!" I interrupted him, before he could say something stupid. Romano raised both eyebrows up and then looked at me, disappointed.

"With the potato-head?" he exclaimed, "Why couldn't you ask _me_ instead?"

"Romano, that's rude." I tried to explain to him but Ludwig didn't seem to take it so badly and just interrupted me.

"We could go out for lunch all together another time, Romano." Ludwig said. I turned abruptly to Ludwig, surprised. The guy was trying to get along with Romano! I was impressed and… relieved…

Whereas Romano… not so much.

"As if. Wurst and potatoes are not my thing." Romano scoffed and suddenly put himself between me and Ludwig. "Anyway, you won't _mind_ if I join this ridiculous parade, right?" he smiled at me sarcastically. I stared at him, annoyed. Romano stared at me back, as if daring me to say something. I knew what he was thinking and he knew what I was thinking too.

"Actually I…" I started then I sighed. "We were returning home, anyways. Right, Ludwig?" I smiled at Ludwig, leaning a little to look at him, as Romano was trying to block my view.

"Yes, we were." Ludwig agreed, looking back at me. I felt like we had some kind of connection in that moment. I liked it and it made me smile sincerely again.

"Perfect! I needed a fucking ride back." Romano exclaimed, "Actually, I wanted to come to your place, Feliciano."

Ludwig sighed and shook his head but there was something akin to amusement in his eyes. I didn't understand what was funny. I raised an eyebrow, but he just waved a hand at me. We then started to walk towards where Ludwig's car was parked.

Soon enough, though, I started talking with Romano as if nothing had happened. Romano told me he wanted me to try some of his old clothes because they didn't fit him anymore. Knowing Romano, it meant he didn't like them anymore, but being the stingy guy he secretly was, didn't feel like throwing them and that I should be the one doing the honors.

Ludwig kept walking behind us and I felt a little guilty for leaving him out. Romano, on the other, seemed happy. I knew that he didn't like Ludwig that much -hate at first sight he explained- but I really didn't know if he was doing this on purpose or not. For a long time, Romano even forgot Ludwig's presence and, really, I can't stay mad at my brother for long.

"This is my car." Ludwig said suddenly and Romano blinked at him, finally remembering he was there. I stared at the car: our mean back home, and then at Ludwig. He softly smiled at me and got into the driver's seat. I didn't want to let go of him. I wanted to stay with him all day long, but I knew he had other things to do and, seriously, we were going to see each other again, no?

Strangely enough, though, I already missed him.

Romano got in the back seat, purposely leaving the front seat for me. I wondered if he felt guilty for ruining my date with Ludwig, but I soon deleted the thought from my head. I supposed he hated Ludwig too much to share the front space with him. It was plausible.

Romano remained silent most of the ride, checking what he bought out. I ignored him and talked with Ludwig, commenting the pizza we ate.

"I never noticed that restaurant before really, and to think is really close to my mechanic."

"You go to a mechanic, Ludwig?" I asked, surprised. He glanced at me, I heard Romano snort from the backseats.

"Well, of course. Shouldn't I?"

"I thought you repaired cars yourself. You give that kind of impression." I explained. He smiled amused.

"I do, but it's always good to go to a professional."

I stopped and imagined Ludwig, dirt on his face, his hair askew, repair his car. I deleted the image right away and started humming an Italian song to distract me. Soon enough I was freely singing and Ludwig even complained that I was distracting him. I would have believed him if he wasn't smiling.

We arrived home too soon. He stopped before my building and waited. I looked out, up to my apartment, and then at Ludwig again.

"I'm glad I'm alive, bastard." Romano said, kicked my seat, wordlessly telling me to get out, and hopped off. I glanced at him, glad that he thanked at least, in his own way, and I looked at Ludwig once more.

"Sorry about him." I said. Ludwig shook his head.

"I have a brother too." He said, as if Romano and Gilbert could be compared at all.

I smiled a little.

I couldn't stop looking at him, at his eyes, his smile, his face…

"Well…" I said then, my mouth suddenly dry. A smile. "See you tomorrow?" My heart started beating in anticipation. He blushed a little, imperceptibly of course, but he did.

"Yes, of course."

"Tomorrow we'll go wherever you want!" I added then. I looked down at his hand on his lap. I bit my lip.

"Okay." He agreed.

"FELI!" Romano shouted.

"I should go…" I said then but I didn't open the door just yet. I kept looking at Ludwig and Ludwig was looking back at me. Silence. I smiled: I should just go, I said to myself, and opened then door. "Thanks for everything."

"Feliciano…" Ludwig suddenly said when I got off and I was ready to hop back inside.

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow evening at seven?"

I grinned.

"Yes!"


	5. Chapter 5

Dating was something I did really often. Since I was fifteen years old, girls kept throwing themselves at me, gave me their number and flirted with me all the time. Of course, fifteen is more or less the age when everyone starts dating, the age when everyone believes they must have someone beautiful by their side to increase their popularity and gain the respect of their peers. For me it wasn't like that.

Dating for me never was a duty, something I should do to consider myself normal like my classmates thought they should. For me dating was a synonym for fun! Girls are beautiful and their smiles can make the whole world lit up. It's amazing to see them look at me in such wonderful way. That was all I thought about back then, and I still believe so now.

When someone turns twenty or something, dating means finding your soulmate, but when I turned twenty myself I couldn't agree with the rest of population once more. My soulmate had abandoned me long ago, before the word dating had any meaning for me, before I realized that girls are dating material or that boys aren't supposed to go out with other boys.

But I forgot why I started telling you all this…

Well.

The point _maybe_ was that dating Ludwig didn't felt like dating had felt since now, even if it was fun as well… in a way… Ludwig didn't award me with a cute smile as often as the girls I used to date did, but when he did, I felt the happiest man in the world. When he touched my shoulder my mistake, my heart would start beating frantically in my chest for hours afterwards, and when he waved me goodbye, I would feel unbearable pain in my chest, so much I wanted to call a doctor to check if I was alright!

And what about the way I couldn't take my eyes off him? Those blue eyes of his hypnotized me. His whole being did, actually. It managed to make me follow him, obey him and act much more foolishly that I should.

Which isn't normal, is it?

Romano says it isn't. But I never listened to him, did I?

So, I kept calling him, he kept taking me around to wonderful places, I kept wanting to hold his hand and he kept asking for me when we both had nothing else to do.

Nevertheless, it took me a lot to realize that what we did was actually dating, even if neither of us called it so, and when I did I only needed so little to decide that I was doing something extremely stupid.

But by the time I told myself I should stop playing with Ludwig's feelings and that I should tell him to stop, another date occurred, my heart would once again ache when he was gone, and I would be back to the start. Waiting for his call, dialing his number, wanting to see him so badly I couldn't breathe for a moment!

I'm being silly, I know. Heh, heh.

I was being stupid, but I never bothered with that part of my personality as it seemed that stupid runs in the family…

"You did _what_?"

Romano was the best example.

"Well, he deserved it!", my brother exclaimed, blushing slightly and adverting his eyes from me. I kept staring at him with my mouth agape for a moment until I finally managed to stutter a:

"How?" I tried to see the whole incident through my brother's eyes, but I just couldn't understand how he could do something, something so… mean~

"He didn't let me be!" he exclaimed again, pouting his cheeks and looking more nervous by the second.

"So you thought that tying him to a bed naked was a good idea?"

"Well! He started it! The bastard had it coming!" Romano crossed his arms over his chest, and I suddenly felt really bad for the poor guy and all he had been going through for Romano.

"Poor Antonio…" I said, sighing and looking sternly at my own brother. "He is such a nice guy! And he didn't deserve to be treated like that!"

At this my brother became even more defensive.

"Are you with him?" he shouted loud enough for the whole building to hear. I cringed, he calmed down. "Anyway… the rope wasn't mine…" he started, looking suddenly really guilty. Then he shook his head and gritted his teeth: "He is not a nice guy! He is a stalker and a perverted one at that! That what he is, damn it! He should have get it the first time I told him I wasn't interested in the slightest! He had it coming!"

"Still! That was really mean!" I whined, trying to put some sense into Romano. He scoffed, abruptly stood up and made to go to the door.

"I don't care! I hope no one fucking founds him and dies!" Romano exclaimed again. "They should consider me a hero, instead! I saved a whole of innocent children by doing so!"

"What?" I asked, not connecting the dots. Romano groaned as if I was the most stupid man on Earth and said:

"He works in a kindergarten…" Romano tried and then, noticing that I still looked quite confused, dismissively waved his hand at me. "Never fucking mind. And to think it's the same kindergarten you and I went to…" he added, almost whispering, but loud enough for me to hear him. I immediately deleted all previous conversation from my mind and stared at him.

"What kindergarten?" I asked, afraid I haven't heard well. Romano totally ignored me, opened the door and said:

"I must head to fucking work! See you never!" and then, without another word, slammed the door behind him. I stared at the spot Romano had been standing in for a long, quiet moment and then took my things and left home.

In that moment, for the first time since I first started "dating" Ludwig, I wasn't in the mood to take my mobile out and call him for a late gelato. Romano's last words had struck a chord inside me, and the memories flooded my mind in a way I never thought I would ever experience again. I wasn't thinking about Antonio, or the way Romano had treated him, even if I did feel really, really bad for him! But when I heard he worked in the same kindergarten I used to go when I was a kid, I suddenly felt as if someone had slapped me hard across the face.

It took me years to forget about that place, and now I was reminded of it once again and, once again I thought that what I was going to do with Ludwig was stupid, because I had promised somebody else to wait for him long ago. It didn't matter if he had forgotten about me or not, but my heart still belonged to him, and, until I found him, I couldn't take it back. If I started dating Ludwig now, wouldn't that mean I was playing with his feelings? (Or with mine?)

I started walking towards the kindergarten as if I was in a dream. My own feet took me there, doing everything on their own, contesting my own thoughts and my heart. I had to step there since years, but when I finally arrived before the gates I immediately realized that nothing had changed over time. (Not even me.)

I looked at the building, at the swings and then at the closed windows. Everything was as I remembered it to be, and my heart clenched as my eyes spotted the swings wavering slightly with the wind.

_"Will you wait for me?" _

I closed my eyes and felt the breeze caress my face. I suddenly wondered what I was doing there. I should just let go of the past and live the present as I should do. Maybe I should call Antonio and apologize from my brother's part… oh, yeah… I didn't have his number. Silly me.

"Feliciano?"

I felt my breath hitch as soon as heard my name being called. I looked on my right and saw Ludwig coming towards him, holding three dogs by the collar.

"Ludwig?" I asked stupidly, and then looked at the dogs, looking ready to run away from their owner's hold and play. I was immediately distracted by their cuteness! "Oh! How cute!" I said, immediately forgetting my sadness and crouching down at dog's level. The three dogs looked at me for a long moment, and then suddenly one of them licked my face.

"They like you…" Ludwig said, laughing a little as another dog almost pushed me to the ground in his haste to lick my face.

"What cute doggies!" I said, laughing and caressing the three dogs on their heads. "I didn't know you had dogs, Ludwig!" I exclaimed and looked up at him, feeling myself once more drowning in his stare.

"Yeah, well…" he said, scratching his head and looking suddenly adorable. "My grandfather holds them for me, because we don't have enough space back in my apartment…"

"They are adorable!" I said again, standing up and smiling brightly at Ludwig. "Are you taking them out for a walk?"

"Yeah… and now I was taking them back…" he said and then coughed a little, "What are you doing?"

"I was just taking walks myself!" I said cheerfully and then an idea pop-ed into my mind: "Do you want to go for a gelato or something, Ludwig? Considering we are both free and neither of us has something to do… except maybe you, that are taking the dogs out… oh! Oh! Why don't we take them with us as well?"

Ludwig stared at me for a moment, and then looked at the dogs, who stared back at him with big, pleading black eyes.

"Yes, okay." Ludwig said with a sigh, and one of the dogs started barking with joy. I grinned and took one of the collars in my hands, and started walking towards the park, all ideas of a gelato immediately gone. I heard Ludwig sigh in that characteristically way of him, but I knew he wasn't going to complain and that he would follow me.

It was already getting darker by the time we reached the park. Everything was so quiet, except for the continuous barks of the dogs and my laugher, but I wasn't scared because I knew Ludwig was with me, and I'm sure no one wants to mess with Ludwig and his dogs!

Nevertheless, I wanted to fill the silence with something, and so I started telling Ludwig all Romano told to me mere hours before…

"My brother is so mean! He actually did something so nasty! I couldn't believe it when he told me! I know that he feels a little guilty _now_, but he should have thought of the consequences before he actually did it! How can anyone act like this? I simply can't understand!"

"Don't worry. Romano is not the only one with that trail of thoughts." Ludwig said, "I don't know why, but it's something I picture my own brother do… only he wouldn't feel so guilty afterwards."

"Are you sure?" I asked, "I would feel _awful_! How can you do something like that! Play with other people's feelings! It's- oh!" I suddenly stopped, looking at something on my right.

"What happened?" Ludwig said, suddenly worried. I blinked at him, and then suddenly felt my grin becoming wider and pointed at something on my right. Ludwig raised an eyebrow and followed my line of vision.

"Swings, Ludwig!" I exclaimed, suddenly giddy. "I love swings! And now there is no one around to tell me I'm too old to get on one! Please, Ludwig! Come with me!"

"Feliciano, you actually realize you are indeed too old for this-!" he started, but I didn't let him finish as I took his hand and dragged him to where the swings were, the dogs, now free from their leash, following happily behind. I heard Ludwig sigh loudly behind me as I got on one and started swinging back and forth.

"Don't look like that, Ludwig!" I exclaimed, moving higher by the second. "It's fun! Try it!"

"Thank you, Feliciano, but I think I have to decline the offer." He said. I pouted. I felt suddenly hope rise inside me when I saw him sitting on one, but it immediately disappeared as soon as I realized he was just going to use the swing as a common chair. The dogs barked as I moved back and forth, up up into the evening sky…

"You are such a wet blanket!" I exclaimed, "Don't you like the swings?" I added from my point above him. Ludwig looked at me for a moment, and then shrugged.

"I don't really know…" he said. I was shocked by his response and looked at him with eyes wide as saucers.

"You don't _know_?" I exclaimed, "You never been on one?" I started moving slower, slowly putting my swinging to an end.

"Not that I remember, no." he said, shrugging a little, and looking much calmer now that I have stopped moving. I looked at him in confusion and asked:

"Not even when you were a kid?"

"That's the point, Feliciano…" he said, and then sighed, "I never told you, but…" he looked at me, then sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't remember much about my childhood."

"You _don't_?" my eyes widened comically in my sockets and stared at him. "Why is that, Ludwig?"

Ludwig looked down at his dogs as one of them, as if sensing the mood, pressed his wet nose into the palm of his hands. I petted the other two and then looked at Ludwig, waiting to tell me his story…

"I had…" he stopped, searched for the right words and then looked at me again, "Apparently, I had an accident when I was ten and hit my head really badly. I went into a coma and when I woke up all my memories had suddenly disappeared." He told me so as if reciting a part, a line he had been telling day after day, year after year…

"That's awful!" I exclaimed, feeling suddenly sad, "No one should forget his childhood's memories! I can't imagine myself forgetting…! Oh, Ludwig! I'm so sorry! I don't want to make you feel bad!"

"Don't be." He said, looking at me. He remained silent for a long moment and then added: "I didn't even remember my name, it seemed. I couldn't recognize my own brother or my parents. It was an awful period of my life, but now its okay… Childhood memories are meant to be lost, anyway."

"Don't say something like that!" I reproved, "Imagine all the memories you removed! You forgot your friends! Your school days! The first day you went to school! Oh, my God… I'm making you feel worse, don't I? I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay." Ludwig said, shaking his head. I looked pensive for a moment and then said.

"You know, maybe you even went on the swings and really liked them!" I smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to try?"

"Yes, Feliciano. I'm sure." He said. I pouted and then stood up. He followed my example, and then I turned suddenly to look at him.

"You must feel awful now…" I said, feeling guilty for bringing such a sensitive argument up. Ludwig laughed and shook his head. "But I know how to bright your day… or night…whatever… well… anyway… I thought about it and I wanted to really, really ask you… so!"

"What is it?" he asked, suddenly worried again. I bit my lips and then remembered the kindergarten and my resolution to forget the past. Two guys without a past… it could work, couldn't it?

"We've been going out for a while…" I started, felt my cheeks reddening, "…and I really think… I really want to ask you…" I closed my eyes, opened them and smiled: "We should start officially dating!"

"W-what?" Ludwig exclaimed, taken totally aback. He became ten shades of red and then started stuttering. "I… you… well… I… ehm…"

"Ludwig! You don't need to say yes, if you don't want to!" I immediately said, feeling suddenly bad. Ludwig vigorously shook his head and then fell silent again. I was disappointed by his lack of response. Ludwig looked at me for a long, silent moment, and I smiled at him encouragingly.

"I asked you too early, haven't I?" I asked then, laughing a little, "I'm sorry, Ludwig! I have the bad habit of saying what I have in mind without dwelling too much on it, but you don't have to take me seriously if you don't-!" I abruptly stopped as suddenly I felt Ludwig's lips on mine.

It was a chaste kiss, nothing particular, but it was enough to make me shut up. I felt shivers run down my spine, those infamous butterflies in my stomach, and the realization that Ludwig had actually done the first move made me feel on cloud nine! Unfortunately, before I could react, Ludwig broke the kiss really quickly, looking down at his feet and becoming ten shades of red. His amusing reaction made me quickly forget my own shock, and I immediately started laughing:

"You are really cute when you do that!" I said. Ludwig snorted and then looked at me.

"You do talk a lot sometimes…"

I laughed, while the dogs barked their joy somewhere around us.


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. Is anybody there? *the author stretches her ear but hears only the echo*. Lol. I know I'm posting really late. I'm sorry! I hope you are still interested in this, somehow! :D**

It's funny how for a long time things seem perfectly still and then, suddenly, someone does something and everything moves too quickly for you to manage to keep up with the world. I think my life stopped right down to that moment, when that little boy with the black hat kissed me and told me that he was going to meet me again one day.

Then suddenly Ludwig comes into the picture and does something so unexpected that made the world move on again. If he hadn't kissed me, I would probably have tried to search for Antonio instead, just to see if it could work. If he hadn't, I probably would have never known how addicting his lips could be.

That night, after the kiss, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't stop thinking, my heart couldn't stop beating fast, my mind couldn't stop playing the scene all over again. I wanted Ludwig there with me. I wanted to see him again and hear his voice and I thought it wasn't fair that I couldn't do what I wanted! I wanted to call him, but it was too late and I didn't want him to hate me. I wanted the day to start over and do everything all over again. I couldn't wait for the next day to start and find him. Silly me, I had lectures the day after.

But would it hurt if I skipped them and went to Ludwig's bookstore instead?

Ludwig would be mad at me.

And then I my stomach churned at the thought that it would take me another twenty-four hours to see him again and it was too much, my time would be wasted if I didn't see his face for even a second the day afterwards. I twisted and turned in my bed, I fell asleep and woke up with a smile on my lips, I took the phone immediately in my hands and called him:

"Good morning!"

"Ah… good morning."

Serious Ludwig. I could picture him blushing. Amazing Ludwig. Handsome Ludwig. Why didn't I meet you before the little boy with the black hat? I wouldn't have wasted my time running after a dream.

"Aren't you supposed to be at college?"

I laughed and I could picture him scowling, and I could imagine him lecturing me about how college was important if he was there with me.

(But would I manage to walk away from him if he was there with me, ve?)

"I know, Ludwig! I just wanted to tell you good morning!"

"Ah…" he was embarrassed, I knew. "Well… then, good morning."

Every second without him hurt. I didn't know a kiss could have such an effect on me. I didn't know someone can fall so badly for someone else so quickly.

"See you after your lectures then?" he said after a moment of thought. I grinned and I felt really, really happy because I knew now it took a lot of courage from Ludwig's part to say something as silly as that. Suddenly, I was starting to forget how it was to wait.

"Yeah!"

"You know where my bookstore is, right? Is…"

"Got it!" I exclaimed and for the rest of the day I just thought about Ludwig.

Ludwig is a very serious and strict man. He was courageous but it took him a lot to say the simplest things. Love made him uneasy.

Ludwig had a strange view about life, very different from mine, and I bet he couldn't make good pasta.

Ludwig was working right now. Was he thinking of me?

Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. His name was difficult to pronounce, but I loved how he said my name.

Feliciano Vargas.

He rolled the 'r' in a different way, even the 'v' sounded strange. My name had no music in it when he called me. But it was different, it felt special. It felt amazing when he stressed the 'c' so much. I loved the way he tried to tell my name more Italian like.

Is he thinking of me?

Ludwig Beilschmitt and Feliciano Vargas.

They sounded good together.

_We were together_.

Lectures were boring. I didn't pay attention. In my art class I couldn't think of anything good to paint that wasn't somehow related to my first kiss with Ludwig. As soon lectures were over, I went to Ludwig bookstore. I run like a madman to get there and I didn't even stop to catch my breath before I slammed the door open and searched for him in that ocean of guide books. As soon as I saw him, I circled my arms around his broad shoulders and kissed him on the lips. He was shocked. I couldn't care less.

"Feliciano!" he shouted and looked around him to see if any of his customers had caught us. Fortunately for me no one was there and he relaxed a little in my arms.

"Today was so boring without you!" I exclaimed, hugging him and putting my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and it soothed me. "You should come with me, Ludwig! At least once to see how it is! Maybe you can model for me in art class! It would be great, wouldn't it?"

"Feliciano, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh, right!" I exclaimed and looked up at him, "Because you have to work! How silly of me, ve!"

"Err… that's not what I meant, but… never mind." He said and suddenly touched my hair. I put my face near his heart again and closed my eyes once more. I couldn't let go of him and, slowly, he too put his arms around my waist.

I could have stayed like that forever.

It was like this that we made our first steps into a relationship we didn't even know how it had even started. The way we met or even how I decided to ask him out was starting to blur out as if nothing of the sort had ever happened, as if we have been like that since forever. It may sound cheesy, but thinking about it right now, I feel like we have been searching for each other for a long time before we actually met. I don't know. It's kind of weird, but I can imagine us waiting for the other to appear without even knowing who we were waiting for for years before we actually met.

Of course back then I was sure I was waiting for the boy with the black hat. He made a promise he didn't keep in the end, but I was still somehow hoping he would turn up one day, take his black hat off and say: "Sorry, something happened."

But Ludwig came instead and for a short period of time I forgot I was meant to wait for somebody else.

After our first kiss, there was a second, then a third, then a fourth… I lost count, really. The more we kissed, the more we realized that we couldn't stay apart for long. We were addicted to each other's taste and it got harder and harder to keep our hands at bay. It took Ludwig a lot of time to adjust to the new sensations, and it took him even more to tell his brother, Gilbert, that he had started dating me (which happened after this story is going to end, but somehow I think Gilbert knew all along).

Maybe he was scared of his brother, I don't know. Older brothers tend to be a little scary, but I'm sure Gilbert is way better than Romano is. When I told _my_ brother, he opened one of the kitchen's drawers, took a knife out and was ready to walk across town to get to Ludwig's bookstore and kill him.

Romano doesn't like Ludwig, but I'm sure the big scene he made that day was just an act. Romano is scared of Ludwig somehow, he says he is too big and muscle-y and his…

"…face is like a potato! I don't understand how you can like that jackass so much! Honestly! He stinks of wurst and he has no idea of what real food tastes like! And then he orders you around all the time! Feliciano here and Feliciano _there_!"

"He doesn't order me…"

"Of course he does! That neat-freak! Did you see his apartment? Does he _ever live_ there?"

I remembered his apartment. I remember regretting taking Romano with me so he could try to get along with my boyfriend for me. Obviously, it didn't work. Romano had been on the defense the whole time, pointing whatever he thought was hilarious out. I thought he was being himself and I ignored him, Ludwig on the other looked like he wanted to faceslap himself sometimes. He didn't, of course. Ludwig has a lot of self-control!

Romano, on the other, doesn't, but, fortunately, he seemed to have a lot of things in his mind and didn't cuss as much as he usually did.

When I told my father, on the other hand, he remained calm, composed, smiled and said:

"Great. When am I going to meet him?"

I thought there was nothing wrong with that statement and even when he met Ludwig he smiled all the time, laughing and joking as if he knew Ludwig since he was born. I don't understand why Ludwig looked so… _devastated_ when my father waved us goodbye and we returned home that evening. Ludwig looked like he had seen a ghost, but when I asked my father about it he just said he had a great time with us and all, but…

"Are you sure you want to date that guy, Feliciano? He is a pervert at heart and he has no taste in food whatsoever."

"Well, I agree with you on that, but…" I furrowed my eyebrows, "What do you mean with a 'pervert at heart', dad? I don't understand, ve~"

"Oh, I just asked him a couple of questions…"

Which wasn't a good sign, considering the kind of questions my father loved to make, but I couldn't understand what had he had asked exactly that shocked Ludwig so much.

"Your father is a good man." Ludwig had said, though. "He has a great personality and I respect him a lot. Honestly, I would have loved to be like him."

This didn't answer my questions about what happened that day we all went out together, but, oh well. Whatever had happened, Ludwig usually tries to stand far away from me when my father is present. No matter how many times I try to hold his hands, he slaps me away and mumbles something about 'Now is not the time' that I don't understand because holding hands is not that big a deal and I loved doing it every time, no matter the hour or the situation! He doesn't agree with me, though.

Nevertheless, it doesn't matter.

I loved spending my time with him. I loved how warm his hand felt in mine and even when he lectures me, I don't mind because I know he does it with all good intentions. Soon enough we found our balance and it was a matter of months before we felt like we have been together since forever.

My happiness was enough to make me forget the strange little boy with the black hat and that day so long ago when he promised me we were going to meet again.

It didn't last long, though.

His memory came back one day, striking me so unexpectedly that I couldn't think for a long time after that.

That day I went to Ludwig's apartment. He was so serious, so uncharacteristically silent that for a moment I thought he had fought with his brother and was in a bad mood. I tried to talk to him, but he just walked up in his room and motioned me to follow him.

His room is perfect in any way you see it. Everything is organized and cleaned spotless. I never thought I'll ever see the day when Ludwig would start putting his books in a not alphabetical order, but that day I happened to notice that a book wasn't in its ordinary place.

Ludwig had sat down on his bed, playing with his hands and blushing slightly as he did so, while I looked around the room, describing him my day at college as I always did. It was then that I noticed the aforementioned book. I took it off the shelf and I saw with the corner of my eye that Ludwig had suddenly panicked and stood abruptly up.

"How to prop-!"

"Feliciano!"

I looked at him in question, his strange behavior making me forget to read the whole book's title. I wanted to ask him what was wrong when, suddenly, something fell from inside the book and I bent down to pick it up.

"Feliciano, that book-!" Ludwig exclaimed, but I ignored him, more interested in what had fallen from the book than in what he wanted to say.

"What is it?" I asked and looked at it, "Oh! A little sock!"

I was amazed. Inside the book there was a little sock with little apples on it. I turned it around in my hands and studied each and every apple on the sock's pattern. My heart skipped a beat. Ludwig took advantage of my shock and pulled the book away from my grasp and put it back in its (right) place in the book shelf.

"Oh, I use that as a bookmarker." He said and tried to take it back, but I made a step away from him, not wanting to let go of the sock just yet.

"It's a kid's sock!" I exclaimed instead, "Did you know, Ludwig, that I had the same exact socks when I was little?" I said, smiling brightly at him, "They were my favorites because I love apples a lot and they were really cute! How come you have the same? Is this yours? Did you wear them when you were a kid? Where is the other one?"

Ludwig snorted at all my questions and then shrugged.

"You know I don't remember much about my childhood."

That made me stop in my tracks and suddenly feeling like a bastard I pulled him close to me.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, "I didn't mean to be rude! I totally forgot it's a touchy subject! I didn't mean-!"

"I know, Feliciano." Ludwig said and took the sock from my hands and put it near the books on the shelf again. "I can't really answer your question, but I think this is not mine, because I never could find its pair. I…" he stopped, looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "I know it may sound stupid, but I think somebody else gave it to me…"

My heart started beating really fast and my eyes widened at his confession. I waited for his next words and suddenly started to shiver.

"I think a girl gave them to me when I was a kid." Ludwig said, sure of himself, "I think it was a birthday present or something. Yes, that probably was it. She gave me this pair of socks and I probably lost the other one. I don't think I could ever fit them, they look so tiny."

"Oh." I didn't know why, but I suddenly felt disappointed. I tried to smile, took Ludwig's hand in mine and said: "Oh, it's okay! If it was a birthday present, it was a really beautiful one! They are so cute! Pity you lost the other one!"

A girl gave him a birthday present when he was a kid. It was logical and I suddenly felt very stupid for thinking for even a tiny second that that sock… that Ludwig…

"Oh, yeah." Ludwig suddenly said and shrugged, "I don't know why I still keep this one, though."

"You said you use it as a bookmarker! It's original!" I smiled at him. He smiled a little back and then, without another word, leaned down and kissed me. I forgot about the sock and the book and smiled against his lips.

"I like when you kiss me, Ludwig!" I said then and he kissed me again and again, pushing me suddenly on the bed and holding me close.

I thought that then _that _was why he had looked so uncharacteristically quiet all day. Ludwig probably didn't know how to ask me to sleep with him. Silly him.

I kissed him back just as eagerly, I put my arms around his shoulders and sighed.

"Do you know you are my first one, Ludwig?" I whispered, kissing the bridge of his nose. Ludwig became ten shades of red but he didn't let go of me and for the next couple of hours I forgot to breathe.

I stopped thinking and I didn't ask about the sock ever again. There was no reason for me to. The problem was that that sock had triggered something in me, reminding me that I too had that same pair of socks, they were popular back then, and that I too have given one of them as a present to a boy with a black hat.

His memory pained me.

But that night I didn't think about my childhood, I just remained in Ludwig's arms, sighing against his skin and feeling his body on me.

Again and again and again.


	7. Chapter 7

That my friend Feliks was a guy that liked to say what he thought straight into someone's face, was something I have known for a long time and, honestly, I don't mind at all. Maybe that's why we get along so well together because both of us are honest with each other and if there is something we don't like we just tell the other so. I wonder sometimes how we never fought because of that and maybe it helped that Feliks liked to wave nonchalantly at criticism with a sarcastic smile on his face as if he wasn't bothered in the least by what the others thought. Someone must do something really bad to him to make Feliks really angry. I thought I was the same, really, but, that day, I actually realized that I'm not so different from my brother after all.

The day in question we both went to take a cup of coffee in a café Feliks really liked simply because of the decorations on the wall, the pink couches and how the cream in the cappuccinos were heart-shaped.

He said:

"You are happy."

A statement that really shocked me because I didn't think I was sad before. I tilted my head at him and Feliks smiled widely at me, took a sip of his drink and raised a blond eyebrow at me.

"So things with Ludwig are going well?" he asked then and, finally realizing why he looked so smug, I nodded smiling widely back at him.

"Yeah!" I said, "He is really a nice guy! I don't understand why you don't like him that much!"

"Meh…" was Feliks' only response, shrugging a little and pouring some more sugar in his cappuccino.

"We get along so well!" I continued then, ignoring Feliks' lack of answer, "Of course we have different opinions on some matters but as long as he likes my cooking I don't really mind. He works a lot, which I thought it wasn't possible since he has only a little bookstore to run. I think he should try to apply for a management job or something, he seems like the type that likes to control everything and… but who cares. The important thing is that he always finds time for me, you know? He is really nice and takes me out and buys me whatever I want!"

"I wish Toris was like that!" Feliks cut me with a pout, "I always ask for a pony, but he, like always says no because there is no space for one. He is such a total loser."

"Ponies are not that big." I reasoned.

"I know!" Feliks exclaimed.

"Maybe he is allergic to them." I wondered then out loud. Feliks seemed horrified at that.

"Then I will have to, like, break up with him!" he said.

"I think Toris will be devastated if you did."

"He would, like, totally die for me, wouldn't he?" Feliks said, looking smug at me, "Umm… in that case I shouldn't break up with him, right?" but before I could answer his question, he continued: "Will you break up with Ludwig?"

"No!" I exclaimed, hurt that he would ask something like that, "Why would I? I like him and we have such a good time together and… well… everything feels too much perfect to let it go!"

"I see…" Feliks said, finishing his cappuccino and looking at me straight in the eyes, "I should consider, then, that you, like, totally forgot about your childhood crush, right?"

Feliks straightforwardness was like a bucket of cold, freezing water on my head. I did feel good with Ludwig, more than I ever did with any other guy or girl I dated, and after our first night together I felt closer to him that I felt before. I tried to tell myself that I was alright, that I got over my stupid wait for someone who was never going to come, but when Feliks spoke about me childhood crush, I was suddenly reminded that I didn't get over it at all. In the back of my head the promise of waiting for him hanged upon me like a death statement.

Feliks was the only person to whom I talked about the boy with the black hat and the bright blue eyes. It happened when he realized one day that my supposed dates meant nothing to me and when people started getting closer I would immediately get away from them. I remember that night, the night Feliks confronted me about it in that straightforward way of his that made me spill the beans immediately. He thought I was stupid and I'm sure he still thinks I am.

So I know for certain that when he asked me so, he did it with the best of intentions, to make sure that I wasn't playing around, that I was really happy, that I finally moved on. I should have been happy to have a friend like that, but for the first time in my life I just felt resentment towards him for bringing that up. Feliks just reminded me that my "perfect" life with Ludwig wasn't so perfect after all.

I knew that I shouldn't feel like that, that I should be happy that I finally found someone I was willing to spend my life with, but I would lie to myself if I said that I forgot about my childhood love and about a promise made near some swings outside a kindergarten.

"You didn't." Feliks said. I preferred to remain silent. "I don't like Ludwig but I think it's, like, totally uncool if you play with his feelings like that."

"I'm not-!" I exclaimed, gulped, realized he was right and felt suddenly angry tears form in the corner of my eyes, "What do you know, anyway! You don't know what I feel! After all you loved Toris all your life and you have him now and you don't need to think about anybody else-! Oh, I'm sorry!" I said immediately after, feeling the tears streak down my face, "I didn't want to snap at you!"

"It's all right." Feliks said, handing me a pink tissue and waiting for me to calm down. In that moment I felt so jealous of Feliks, of his way of seem unfazed by anything, of the fact he had been pinning after Toris since forever and managed to have his own childhood love of for himself in the end, of the fact he took him so much for granted that he could joke about breaking up with him without fear.

I wasn't as lucky. I was with Ludwig, yes, but still single at heart, waiting for a boy I was sure was my real soul mate. Half _happily together_ with someone, half _single _waiting for somebody else.

"It's all right if you are confused…" Feliks said then, smiling at me, "I mean, everything happened so quickly!" he waved a hand at me, "A moment you are happily flirting with, like, every girl in town! The moment after you met this guy, go out a few times and then, like fell totally head over heels for him! Your feelings changed so fast, I quite don't understand how that happened!" he laughed, "But I guess that's your way of loving, right? You live the moment to the fullest, right? Now here and then, like, somewhere else."

His comment hurt, but I knew he was right. I tried to tell myself I changed.

"But…"

"So I think is totally natural if you are confused now, you know? So don't worry about it, darling."

Feliks wasn't angry at me, but he pitied me and that made me want not to speak to him ever again. I pretended, though, that nothing was the matter and we parted like we did every time with the promise of seeing each other soon. I didn't call him for days after that.

That same evening Ludwig called me. It was strange to hear his voice after that conversation with Feliks and it took me a lot to forget my guilt and smile a little at the receiver in my hands. Ludwig seemed strange at the phone, like he was hiding something, but I immediately decided that it was all my imagination. At this point I was a little biased.

"A-are you free this evening?" he asked me, half stuttering, half authoritarian as always. I nodded even if I knew he couldn't see me.

"Yes, of course. I always have time for you!" I said then, wondering that, if I saw Ludwig, whatever doubt I had until then it would disappear like it never existed.

"Do you want to go to that Italian restaurant you like so much tonight?" he asked then almost in a whisper. I smiled and agreed to meet in an hour.

I don't know why that evening everything looked so different from every other date we had. Even Ludwig looked classier, if I had to admit, but, strangely enough, even much more silent. We sat down on a table Ludwig had reserved for us and then ordered our food. I was happy that I could forget a little about that awful day with a good portion of pasta.

We ate in silence, occasionally talking about how good the food tasted and sometimes commenting how we passed our day. Everything felt a little more awkward than it usually did and I thought it was my fault, really, because the conversation with Feliks earlier in the morning had shocked me and I couldn't think about anything else.

When dinner ended and it was almost time for dessert, I decided that maybe I should talk with Ludwig about the boy with the black hat to lighten my heart, but I didn't really know how to start such a conversation with him. I was scared Ludwig was going to laugh at me if I told him, or worse be sad that I didn't love him completely. I didn't want to see him sad.

"You said you remember a little about a girl that gave you a pair of socks…" I said, not really knowing why I was thinking about that all of a sudden. Ludwig seemed surprised too and raised an eyebrow at me.

"What about her?"

"Well…" I shrugged, "… I was wondering… did you like her? I mean, if you remember of course…" I felt so stupid saying that and I was sure my cheeks had turned red. I looked away, ready to tell Ludwig how much of a stupid question that was, when Ludwig unexpectedly answered:

"Probably yes…" Ludwig said, after a moment of thought. I looked at him, surprised. "I have the feeling I did a lot. Why?"

"Well…" I said, stuttering a little, "What if she shows up again? What if you meet her and remember how much you loved her back when you were kids and…"

"Feliciano." Ludwig cut me, "Are you scared I'm going to leave you?"

No. I wanted to say. That's not it. I didn't have the chance to say so out loud, though, that Ludwig actually started blushing and looked down at his half-finished place in front of him.

"I would never do that, Feliciano." He said, "Even if I liked some girl back when I was a kid, what does it matter? It's so long ago and I'm sure I wouldn't even recognize her if I saw her now."

"I-I guess…" I said in a soft whisper.

"Moreover…" Ludwig blushed, it was so strange a scene that I felt mesmerized by it, "… moreover, I… err… I…"

"What, Ludwig?" I urged on, curious to see what he wanted to tell me that made him so uncomfortable. Ludwig looked away and then up at me again.

"I… I love you now." He said. My heart skipped a beat, but that wasn't all of it. "And there is something I want to tell you… ehm…" he suddenly turned around to his coat leaning against his chair and took something out. I was more confused than ever when he suddenly handed me a little box.

"What…?" I raised an eyebrow, looked at him straight in the eyes and took the little box in my hands.

"It's for you." He said, "I just wanted… err…"

I opened the box and I was shocked to see a ring with a little red tomato on it lying inside it.

"Do you want to live with… with me?"

"Ludwig…" I said, staring down at the ring and not knowing what to say. Ludwig loved me, that was all I could think about. Ludwig loved me, he actually confessed, and wanted me to live with him. Ludwig wanted to spend his life with me. Ludwig loved me.

"Feliciano…?"

And I couldn't stop thinking about a stupid boy with a stupid black cap that never showed up in the end, no matter how much I waited for him. Why couldn't I stop loving him? Why has he become so important in my life that I couldn't live the present anymore? Why couldn't I move on? Why couldn't I let everything go and live with Ludwig? Who did I love in the end really? Why everything made me so sad? Why did Ludwig love me?

"Feliciano… you are crying." Ludwig suddenly said and I abruptly looked at me, finally feeling my cheeks wet under my fingers. Ludwig had stood up and had kneeled down next to me, looking up at me with his beautiful blue eyes.

Is it because your eyes are blue? I wanted to ask him. Is that why I-!

"Feliciano?" Ludwig exclaimed taking my hand in his and I abruptly moved away, wiping my eyes with the sauce stained tissue next to my place. "You don't need to say yes if you don't want to." Ludwig suddenly said then and I tried hard to pretend not to notice how hurt he sounded. "I… maybe it was a little too early. Forget about it, okay?"

"Oh, Ludwig, that's not it…" I said, feeling the ring hard inside my palm. "Or maybe it is, I don't know. Ludwig, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, don't cry, Feliciano." Ludwig said, squeezing my hand again and moving to caress my face with the other. I don't know how he did it, but I abruptly couldn't feel the tomato ring in my hands anymore. I looked at Ludwig and noticed he had put it away, back in his coat's pocket.

"Ludwig, it's not that I-!" I tried to say, but Ludwig cut me.

"It's okay, you don't need to explain yourself to me." He said, "I was thinking ahead of time. Is too early and we are moving too fast. Normal people actually wait a lot before making such a difficult decision and we know each other less than a year. Please, forgive me, Feliciano. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Ludwig…" I felt my eyes sting again. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't like that, that I felt kind of happy he asked me to live with him, but a part of me was even happier Ludwig had decided to take it all back. In that moment the need of telling him I was still actually waiting for somebody else became bigger, I wanted to hear Ludwig said that he understood but I knew he wasn't going to react the way I wanted him to. I wouldn't if I was him.

Ludwig stood up and returned back to his chair, raising a hand to call the waitress and pay the bill. I stared at him, my heart heavy in my chest and wanted to start crying again. I looked around, noticing that everybody was looking at us and I immediately realized Ludwig was not only feeling sad but embarrassed too at my scene.

I hated myself in that moment. I didn't want to hurt Ludwig like that.

I wondered if I managed to ruin my first real relationship in that moment after all.

**A.N. I know it's going to be harsh, but next chapter... is going to be the last chapter too! I feel so sorry for updating this story so slowly, but I hope people like it still! I want to thank every and each reviewer and everybody who faved this and is following this fic! Thank you, guys! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

Ludwig was still talking to me.

It was as if nothing had happened, as if he had totally forgot about the scene I made in the restaurant in the same way he had forgotten all about his childhood. He didn't look angry, not more than usual at least, and he never brought up the incident either.

I felt grateful for that but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking that something had cringed in our relationship because even if Ludwig was talking to me and treated me like he always did, I could see that look in his eyes that said:

"You love somebody else, don't you?"

I couldn't bear that look; I couldn't bear the pain in those blue eyes of his. Maybe it was all in my head and in reality Ludwig didn't really suspect anything, maybe he was just totally embarrassed he had made the wrong move at the wrong time. Nevertheless, I decided to keep avoiding him for a little time after that.

When I told Feliks, he refrained from saying that I was an idiot, but, of course, he implied it with his own way. He just looked at me, knowing look in those green eyes and sipping a margarita like it was tea, and said:

"I totally don't understand. You were so happy and you don't look like the masochistic type to me. Why, like, totally sabotage your first serious relationship?"

"Feliks~" I whined, "Isn't it a little too early to move and live with him?"

"Hmm…" Feliks just hummed, "Considering you've been waiting for the right one, like for twenty years, I think he is just on time."

"But-" I tried. Feliks ignored me and ordered another drink.

I wanted to call my father too, but I was scared dad would prefer to cut Ludwig's head off rather than comforting me and telling me what I should do. Asking Romano for advice was out of question too, because Romano had his own problems to deal with and needed me more than I needed him in that moment. That and he would be extremely happy to know that a relationship with Ludwig might be over for me. Romano never liked Ludwig so much, and it would pain me to see him so pleased with himself when I feel so sad if I told him so.

Maybe in the end the best person I should talk to about my doubts was Ludwig himself, but that needed a lot of courage from my part to. Ludwig would know what to do, I was sure of it, but I was scared that the best thing he ended up thinking we should do was to break up with me and I didn't like that.

No matter how much I told myself my heart might not belong to him, it hurt me more to think of a life without Ludwig.

I tried to call him once or twice, but even since that day at the restaurant Ludwig too seemed always too occupied to go out with me:

"Today I need to work, Feliciano. Something is going on with my brother and I have to take care of everything on my own."

"Oh, okay…"

And then he would hang up.

Fortunately, though, I had something to occupy myself with so that I could not think about Ludwig for a good part of the day. First of all I had college, but even there there were some classes that made me unconsciously think of my boyfriend. One day, for example, as I was trying to paint something for art class, I started drawing the boy with the black hat out of the blue. In the end, though, he resembled more and more to Ludwig himself rather than the boy from my memories, as if Ludwig was the adult version of him.

That day, as I looked at my drawing, I suddenly realized how similar the two were. Their eyes were the same, of course, and they were both blond. Even if there are a lot of people with blue eyes or blond hair in the world, it still made me feel awful because it looked like I had fallen in love with Ludwig only because he reminded me of the boy with the black hat. I couldn't remember if their characters were similar too, but I didn't want to think about it because if I found out that they were, it would only prove my love for Ludwig was superficial.

The second thing that made me slightly forget about my own problems was Romano himself. He must have been really bothered by something those days because he never asked me to help (or rather complain to me so much about it) if he could deal with something on his own. He usually doesn't want me to interfere with his private life as he is really afraid I'm going to judge him, which I do but with all good intentions, which Romano really doesn't understand.

Anyway, those days I had to visit my brother more than I usually did and when, after a thousand attempts from my part to make him finally spill the beans, he finally told me what exactly was going on. I had to admit my problems with Ludwig were really stupid compared to what he was going through, and, as selfish as it can sound, I felt slightly better to be in love with Ludwig rather than somebody else in those moments.

It's not like I will ever confess that to Romano. He would kill me.

Nevertheless, I tried to comfort him as much as I could, and some days he would be in complete denial about his feelings, with others he would just blame me without any reason whatsoever. Romano said a lot of times that I was with Antonio's side and that maybe I should be the one dealing with that idiot rather than him. He would take everything back an hour later.

Nothing he shouted at me or at Antonio, though, had been as bad as that day. That day it had been even worse.

He called me first thing in the morning and that would be a strange thing in itself too if he wasn't _crying_ as well. Romano always tried not to cry in front of me, but that time he seemed so helpless, so in pain that I didn't want to ask what was going on and I immediately decided to ditch college for once and go to him.

"Feliciano!" he exclaimed as soon as he opened the door and hugged me in a way that he never done in his whole life. Something was going on and it made me immediately forget all about Ludwig and his imminent break up with me. Romano was more important in that moment.

"What's going on, Romano?" I asked in panic. "Is everything okay?"

"No… it's that bastard! That idiot! He…" and then started talking about what happened without even pausing for breath. I really shouldn't tell you what was going on even because it's not my place to do so. You may even find it not so interesting too, so I'll just skip it and go to the most important thing that happened that day.

The bastard in question showed up and even if it should have been an important matter for Romano only, it had been important for me as well. I had tried to tell Antonio that Romano really wasn't in the mood to see him right then, but his determination and the things he said to my brother afterwards made me still in my tracks, let him in and listen to their conversation.

Because even if he was saying something that it should have been of vital importance for their relationship, it became suddenly vital for me too. In that moment, in the most unexpected form, came the help that I was searching for since that day in the restaurant.

Antonio, the one thanks to him I met Ludwig, the one I thought I liked just because we were somehow similar, was giving me advice without him really knowing he was. Maybe it was because we were kind of similar that I understood that everything he said was true.

Antonio talked, and, as if lighting had stricken me out of the blue, I realized something important, something that was so obvious I immediately understood why people thought I was so stupid.

I realized that the boy with the black hat, the one that I've been waiting for all this time, was… just an idea. My idea of true love and that if I kept waiting for him I would let my real true love pass by to never return again.

My boy with the black hat was now Ludwig and I didn't want anybody else. It took me that long to get it, but I was too late, wasn't I? Ludwig didn't want me anymore, did he? I hurt Ludwig, didn't I?

And the Antonio looked at me and said:

"You are dating my friend's brother, after all!"

I smiled at that. I loved how it sounded and I finally understood that, if Ludwig had been so mad at me to the point of not wanting to see me again, he would have broken up with me long ago, maybe that day in the restaurant too. But I was still dating him, he still considered me his and only if I kept being a meanie and avoided him, he would truly be hurt by me.

I had to go back to him.

Antonio's words in that moment made me realize that if I had to do everything back from the beginning, to return back to the moment I met Ludwig for the first time, I would do everything in the same way again because meeting Ludwig was the most beautiful thing that happened to me in years and I didn't want to give it up.

Waiting for an idea hurts less than being disappointed to find out that maybe what we call true love is not true love at all, I knew that. I knew that was why I kept having crushes and never went beyond than a simple kiss. I knew that that was the reason I liked a lot of people but ran away when people started liking me back. The reason why I liked Antonio because I knew Antonio didn't have eyes for me.

But even if it turns out that being with Ludwig wasn't worth it in the end, I would regret it forever if I never try it in the first place.

Ludwig too had a girl he probably had a crush on back in kindergarten, but he knows it's stupid to go in search of her, and my boy with the black hat is probably happy with somebody else by now. Who knows, maybe the same girl Ludwig had a crush on when he was a kid. That would be a funny idea.

But it doesn't matter, does it?

If that's the truth, then I'm happy for him. Now I had found my boy with the black hat again, even if in another person and form, and it would be stupid from my part to let go of him. When Ludwig kind of proposed to me, I was happy. Now I know I wanted to say yes to him immediately and I just let the opportunity go because I felt guilty.

Now I know I acted like a fool. I loved Ludwig. I didn't love the boy with the hat anymore, that guy is already in the past, while Ludwig was now, he was real, he was there and he was waiting for me to say yes.

I ran away to Ludwig's bookstore immediately after I realized that. I couldn't wait to see him; I couldn't wait to tell him how stupid I had been and how thrilled I was to finally move in with him.

I took a taxi even to get to him faster, and I almost caused an accident in my haste to get off, cross the street and step inside that bookstore. Ludwig was surprised to see me there, but didn't even have the time to ask me what was going on that I immediately threw my arms around him and kissed him on the lips.

Ludwig was too shocked to move and his cheeks tinged red when he realized all the customers had suddenly turned to look at us, whispering among each other and many even giggled. Ludwig immediately pushed me away, and I grinned at him, still too happy about my realizations to care about the rest of the world.

"What the hell are you doing, Feliciano?" he whispered angrily at me, more out of embarrassment than anger itself. Ludwig is so shy.

"I wanted to tell you yes." I said with a smile. "Yes, yes, yes, yes."

"Yes to what?" Ludwig asked throwing a worried look at the customers behind me.

"To move in together, silly!" I said, hugging him close. "I want to live with you. Where is the ring? I want it."

"R-really?" Ludwig blinked at him letting him hug him in public only because my words had totally taken him aback. "Do you?"

"Of course, it's for me, isn't it? Why shouldn't I want it?" I asked laughing.

"Not the ring." Ludwig said, pushing me a little away and looking at me in the eyes, "Do you want to move in together?"

"Yes." I said and touched his lips with my fingers. "I do."

"Feliciano…" he looked at me blushing a little and then added: "It's too soon."

"What?" I was surprised by his words, but what shocked me more was his serious expression when he added:

"You were right that day, Feliciano. It is too soon." Ludwig said, "You still have to finish college and living with me will not help you concentrate and I don't want that."

"I can concentrate with you around!" I exclaimed. He looked at me. I sighed. "Well, sort of…"

"See?" Ludwig looked even smug, "Moreover I don't want you to live in the apartment above the library, it's not beautiful or spacy, so…"

"I can adjust!" I said then. He shook his head at me.

"I decided to work extra hard and earn enough money to buy a house all for ourselves."

"No!" I was shocked, "A whole house?"

"Yes, just like the house I used to live with my family when I was a kid. We will have all the space you want and even a garden for the dogs."

"But with just one bedroom, right?" I asked. Ludwig laughed.

"Yes, if you want to."

"And a really big kitchen?" I asked then with a smile.

"To cook all the pasta you want, yes."

"And…" I started, but Ludwig put a hand on my mouth.

"Yes." He said, "But I need money and it's going to take time. _Will you wait for me_?"

I waited for you for twenty years, I wanted to tell him, but I nodded instead, smiling at him and pulling him in for a hug again.

"I'll start searching for a part time job too…" I said, "So we can buy it together."

"But college…"

"I can manage, Ludwig. Don't be so apprehensive!" I laughed.

Ludwig caressed my cheek and, for once, didn't care if the world saw us like this. I was happy as if I had finally found my reason for existing, right there in my arms.

I have loved two guys in my whole life and even if with one didn't work out in the end, I could have the life I was waiting for with Ludwig instead. I was a lucky man, I knew, because some people wait forever for their right one to suddenly appear and in the end don't realize that they are standing right in front of them, too focused in searching that end up missing the point entirely. I was one of them, but I managed not to let go of my other half at last.

Ludwig did keep his promise.

He waited for me before the gates of our own brand new house holding by the leash his dogs. I got off my father's car and looked at him, then at the house behind him and walked over to meet him.

"It's so beautiful!" I exclaimed. He smiled at me, stretched a hand over to me and said:

"I even put our names on the doorbell."

I smiled taking his hand in mine.

A part of my life was over, but I knew that the best part of it hasn't started yet. It was starting there: right in front of those gates

_The end_

* * *

><p><strong>A.N. Hello, everybody! This is the end after all! I am quite sad that this is over, but I hope you enjoyed it as much as I had fun writing it (even if I updated so slowly). This story, despite its title, it's not meant to be like "Singles" at all, so I'm sorry if many of you waited for something along the lines of that fic. I too felt sometimes so disappointed it couldn't be as good as "Singles" had been, and, honestly, I think I could have done better. Nevertheless, I think "Singles 0.5" is a simple fic and, as you probably already suspected, it was that episode in the manga with Ludwig proposing to Feliciano that had inspired it. I wish Himaruya could continue with that idea, though, because I'm dying to know what happens next. Don't you agree? Well, anyway, I want to thank each and every one of you for the reviews, the favs and the follows. You guys are awesome and my fics would be nothing without you! So thank you and sorry for making you wait so long before!<strong>

**And, of course, a big thanks to Cara Soucy for the beta for the first few chapters. You were really helpful!  
><strong>

**_Happymood**


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